A Matter of Trust

Hm. It's been awhile since I last wrote. At least, it feels like it.

I guess a bit has been going on since then. I came back to school, did more homework, lost all motivation for classes, and broke my longest single streak to date (rounded up to 8 months). And that's a joyous occasion, I think you'd agree. Not only did I wait it out, but now I think I've found someone who isn't like the rest. At the very least, he's been single for a year and a half and should be over all his ex-girlfriends.

But that doesn't change the fact that I haven't confided a lot of things to him, being Adam. I'm scared to, I'll be honest. The last guy I started to confide in just wanted to try and get in my pants, and the one before him, well, you know about that. I'm pretty sure that Adam's trustworthy and won't use that against me, but that doesn't change the fact that I still feel like I can't really trust, well, anyone really. At least, no one that I haven't known for a while, which has extended to include females.

Over the summer I thought it was that I just wasn't confiding in guys anymore, but some of the people I've met this year through work and have become quite close to, I don't want to tell them certain things about my past. And not because I'm trying to hide it; but because something's stopping me.

No one I've met this year has given me a reason to be nervous about telling them things, least of all Adam. In fact, he's been incredibly sweet to me. And even when I wrote that, I know there are things that if he came over right now and asked me about, I wouldn't tell him. I just have a feeling that he truly won't hurt me intentionally in any way, but I still can't tell him the things that have hurt me before. Mainly because the last time I thought that, he did. In the same way the rest did.

I don't know how this new fear of confiding in people will affect this, and us. It's bugging me, to be honest. But I can't seem to get past it, so I guess I'll just have to deal with it and see where it takes me.

Trust is a funny thing.