Oh yes, happy new year to all my readers! It's a week into the new year, and I should be packing right now to go back to school in the morning. Instead, I'm sitting here with Facebook on one tab and Tumblr on another, waiting for a few people to send me text messages. My mom and I are watching football, both on our computers, while my brother's in the basement practicing guitar.
I don't really know what to write about tonight, all I know is that I want to write. That's a lie, I know what I want to write about, I just can't write it. I could write about what resolutions I've made for the new year, but they're pretty boring. I could write about how my Christmas turned out, but that feels like bragging. I could write about my boyfriend, but I'd like to get away from that theme on this blog. Starting new and such.
Have you ever thought about the past and how your life would have ended up if one thing had been different? For some reason I found myself thinking that a lot this break. How I might not have a brother or might not have moved out of Indiana if my mom hadn't needed a new car and subsequently met my (step)dad. How I might not have had the same drive and ambition to succeed if my (step)dad wasn't in my life. How I probably would've still ended up at the college I'm at anyway, but not known anyone I'm currently friends with.
Or if I hadn't dated some of the people I've dated. How different my personality would have been. How confident I may have been. How guarded I would be. If my views on relationships, on marriage, would be different. Or if some of them wouldn't have ended. Where would I be now? What would I be doing now? How would my blog have been this summer? Would my blog even exist?
Even further back. What if I had stayed in dance? Marching band may not have happened; instead, I could have been dancing in front of them at the football games. I may not have started saxophone; my whole high school experience could have been drastically different. In that case, my whole group of friends would have been different. Zack wouldn't have happened. I wouldn't know Anna or the Disney group. And the rest of my close friends I might have met through classes, but we'd be nowhere near as close.
I might not have stuck with the ballroom dance club on campus. If that hadn't happened, Dave wouldn't have happened either. I might have ended up as a dance major in college. I might not have gotten to this amount of curviness. I might have been anorexic or bulimic. I might not have had body image issues. I might not have had self-confidence issues. I might not be as passionate about anything I'm passionate about today. I might not have even gone to the same school. I might have been out in New York.
What if my kindergarten teacher hadn't been so amazing? I wouldn't have loved reading. I wouldn't have checked out over 20 books when I was younger every summer, every library trip. There's a chance I wouldn't have liked Harry Potter, or continued to read it. And in that case, there's a good chance I wouldn't have ended up a writer. Maybe I would've been better at science and math.
One small thing could've been different, and my whole life could have ended on a different path.
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