I Write Sins Not Tragedies

Seems that lately every time I sit down to blog, I have no clear purpose of what I'm going to be blogging about. I just know that I need to write.

Now, lately I haven't had as many philosophical questions, which means more often than not these are senseless ramblings of my (horribly boring) life. And I'm not even sure if anyone still reads this. The two people I got interested in blogging have moved on to bigger and better things to do with their time. So why am I still doing this? Does publishing this so no one can read it really do anything differently than writing something in a Word document? In theory, no, it doesn't. But I guess I'm hoping that those two do occasionally read my blog and will have something to contribute to my nonsensical thoughts. Or that other people will stumble across it and be intrigued, even though I know there is a high chance that this will never happen.

So why do I care that no one's reading this? Mainy because this is where I pretty much bare all that's been going on in my head at that point in time, and want someone to read, and want someone to understand, or at least be interested in what I have to say. Though I know that one person probably would like to avoid reading this, since he is an ex and probably doesn't want to chance me mentioning something about Dave, the other moved on to bigger and better things. While I knew when I let this die last year that they would probably stop checking for updates, I guess I was hoping for a little more interest in my daily life. These thoughts I hardly discuss with other people that I'm close to, that wouldn't be brought up unless specifically asked for, because it seems like no one is really interested in what I have to say. And lately it's getting me down when I think about blogging.

It makes sense that it affects me this way, since I'm going into journalism and all. I mean, if I can't even keep two people interested in reading what I have to say, how am I going to make it in the professional world, when I'm trying to get paid to have people read what I have to say? While I know when I go out into the professional world I'll have 2.5 more years of school under my belt and blogging is a completely different writing style than I'll be utilizing, it still makes me wonder if journalism is really the right thing for me to be doing with the rest of my life. I love writing. That's why I'm going into journalism. I'm interested in the news and politics and all that jazz, but I don't go actively seeking it. So that narrows down my options a bit, and pushes me into the magazine category. I think this would be the best fit in the journalistic world for me, since I would be able to have longer articles, spend more time on them, and be allowed to showcase my own voice.

But the magazine is slowly dying, and web writing has yet to figure out what to do to earn money. And this semester made me really think about what I wanted to with my life. I now wish that I would have taken the time to explore more in high school. Instead of taking classes that sounded interesting, I took the honors and AP classes that would look good for college admissions. I stayed with Spanish and band for all four years with hardly any room to take my vocational education class, Senior Foods. I opted to do one thing for myself, and that was to only take three years of Science in order to take creative writing classes. When I got to college, I didn't have to take many of those core classes my friends did, since I'm in the Honors College. And now I'm stuck with journalism, not knowing if there's something else out there that I'm better at and will love. I'm scared that this journalism degree won't be what I wanted, and that being a journalist isn't anything like I pictured. I don't want to be stuck at a job I hate, but I'm almost expecting it.

Wow, that was quite a jump. From no one reading this to being scared about my career choice. And I could probably continue if I felt like it. Instead, I think I might go to bed before one, or go watch Doctor Who online.