Breakin' At the Cracks

This past week wasn't too busy for me, actually.

But I haven't had much to write about, blogging-wise. I've wanted to write for the past week, I just haven't really had a chance to. I really can't write if there are others around, and Tif's been in the room this whole week. I really don't think I've got anything new on my mind that I haven't already written about.

The cycle of thoughts since I last wrote have been: Death, being lonely, being sick of sickeningly sweet coupling (mainly from TV/movies), wanting to write some stories, work, and Halloween. I've wanted to fence in the mornings, but by the time practice rolls around I don't do anything. I've been forgetting about a lot of homework, and I'm almost apathetic to my Spanish class right now. I kind of just don't care about this thing called school lately.

I think I'm starting to burn out. This semester I've only had time for school and sleep, and no social life outside of work. Pretty sure that's taking its toll on me now. But it's not really like anyone else wants to help with this social life aspect that I haven't met at the wall, besides for Tif. I love talking to people. I like doing things that don't involve speaking Spanish or learning history. I like being with people.

I just feel like I'm complaining right now, so I'm going to go find something to do. There may be another mini-post this week to make up for this.

Strong Enough (52/90)

It's storming again.

Outside as well as inside my head. Lately I've been extremely angry at a few different people, and it keeps swirling around. I wish I could reveal it all, but I can't. Even after I've addressed a few of them, the thoughts keep coming, keep distracting me, all vying for my undivided attention. I don't know how much more of this I can honestly handle before I break and the lightning hits an unsuspecting bystander.

I don't want to write tonight. I don't want to think tonight. I don't even want to talk tonight. I want to do something that requires no thought or emotion. I just want to curl up with someone I can rely on. I want someone to prove to me that not everyone is the same. That maybe there is a reason why I keep running into this manipulation, deception, and pain over and over again.

I want to find the end of this tunnel. There's only so long I can go holding my torch until it runs out of fuel. I'm not sure how much is left, and then I'll be stumbling around in absolute darkness. At least now I can see a few feet in front of me. I have a few who have been trying to bring me more fuel until I can find my way out, but it seems they've been losing their way.

I've been trying to be strong for so long. Tonight, I'm weakened by the storm.

*Sorry for the lack of anything thought-provoking. We will return to that shortly (I hope).*