The Space Between

Sitting in my room at midnight during Spring Break, talking to two people who I haven't seen since Christmas and probably won't until May, I heave a sigh. So many people have come and gone in my life, and I'm facing the ever-dreaded parting of the ways. The distance between everyone who was so close in high school. Empty promises are made left and right, with the intention of never following through. You look at someone you used to tell your secrets to, not knowing what's going on in their life. You find out how they're doing through Facebook. Hell, you forget where they are, and when you do see them, or they take the leap of faith and try to contact you, you check their profile to make sure you get the name of the school they're at correct.

Fake smiles abound. You're not that happy to see them, you just think that's how you should feel, that's what they're expecting to see. You don't try and keep in contact with them, nor they with you. They said going to college would be like this, and I knew it to be true, I just hoped that there would be more contact between some people than on universal vacations. Some of my friends, I'm disappointed in. Others, I didn't have hope for. Always excited when we get to hang out, the great divide is felt. After catching the other up with all the goings-on in our lives, we can't really relate. Those who stayed behind are those most eager to see "the ones who got away," to see what it could have been like. The only ones who have time for us.

Sometimes, people will surprise you. Most times, it's for the worse. Once in a blue moon, it's a nice surprise. First boyfriend turned to me for advice and strength. Our friendship's grown stronger over break, and he's not even here to talk to. The ones here don't care to see how I've been; they know I'm still alive, according to my Facebook. Would they wonder if I stopped checking it, updating it, just let it sit there? The real question is, would they care? Do I even register on their radar? I make mental notes on those who I was close with, but I don't make first contact; I've done that too often in the past. I'm done with forcing people to talk to me. Unfortunately, that means that they don't care to contact me. I'm left alone this break, not seeing anyone except for those who stayed behind. Supposedly I have plans with people who have gone, but I'm not getting my hopes up that it'll happen.