What is Love?

Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more. Yes, that's the first thing that pops into my mind, because I'm almost always listening to music. There's always a song playing in my head. But that's really not the point of today's entry. Really, though, what is love?

People say it's undefinable, it's incredible. It can make you go crazy, literally. It's the best feeling in the world. It causes you the worst pain you'll ever experience. We have all these descriptions for it, but no one actually gets around to defining it. According to dictionary.com, love is "a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person." That's the best definition we get? The words seem to be lacking with what people actually feel in their hearts. That may be why we leave the process of describing and defining love to poets and writers. They know each word has been chosen for a purpose, and that this purpose is to convey what love truly is. Some of the best work has been from the most tormented souls. Some of my best work has come from a place I'm scared to visit again. But we generally only see the bad side of love through them.

Love should be celebrated. It's the reason some people live, a driving force behind what they do each day. More often than not, we want to know about the positive, to know that the love we feel is not for naught, but that it's actually worth something and will continue to benefit us. We like to see the happy endings in movies and TV shows and in books. We like reading that they live "happily ever after." Why? Because for half the nation, we don't get "happily ever after."

That's right, 50% of American marriages end in divorce. Why? Did they not love each other? Did they get married too young? Was it just puppy love? Is there really anything such as "irreconcilable differences," or are some people just too lazy to try and work through problems?

Or does our society continually get confused with "love" and "lust"? We believe they mean the same thing, but they really don't. Love is something you have with a person, after getting to know them on a deeply personal level. Love is being content just to spend five minutes with the person. Love is wanting to sit in silence with them, just to be in their presence. Love is doing something for them because you want them to be happy. Love is knowing that you would rather tear your own heart out than cause them pain. And love is leaving them behind when they ask, just because you care for their happiness just as much as your own, even if you're not with them.

Lust is purely sensual and physical. You can lust after someone you've met on the street. Many people do this. People lust after celebrities left and right. Even though these fans believe they love this person, they don't. They may love the idea of the person they've built up in their head, but more often than not people look much better on paper than they do in person.

I've been in the position to experience both, on multiple occasions. While most of the love I've encountered has been of the puppy variety, I still have been able to tell the difference between what I believed was love and what was lust. And lust is easily identifiable for the other person. Lust is that desire to just give in to your animal instincts, to be with the person to satisfy the deeper urge of your body. Lust starts in your genitals. Love is different. Love starts from your core, not your genitals. Love makes you want to be a better person so you can get closer to the ideal you. Love is spontaneously kissing them in the middle of the street. Love requires a certain amount of lust in order to make love, however. You cannot completely separate the two in that instance.

While many relationships have elements of both, the thing that makes a love a true love is what I've described, at least in my own experience. I've been in puppy love four times, with three different people. I've had the lusting experience twice. And I think I may now have reached that point I've described, about being content to sit with them in silence for five minutes, to have your love start in your core, and to stay up at night missing them next to you because you sleep better with them near.

Love may be painful, it may cause many sleepless nights, and it may be extremely difficult to live through. Lust may be instantly gratifying, easier to separate yourself from, and a rush. But I'd take love over lust any day.