It's been awhile. I've moved over some more serious ideas to this blog if you wanted to check it out. This blogger will be more dating thoughts, I guess.
This weekend Adam and I had a series of serious talks about our futures. We've talked about it before, but most joking was set aside this time, and it was in person as opposed to via text message, so I like to think it was fairly serious. It both comforted me and scared me.
About a week ago I asked him if he wanted to live with me if I decided to go to grad school here. I honestly don't know where the thought came from. I hadn't been thinking about it before it just slipped out, and it surprised me as much as it surprised him. But as soon as it came out of my mouth, I knew it was something I meant.
Instead of thinking about it, his almost immediate response was "I don't think my parents would like that." Which wasn't my question at all. I just wanted to know if he wanted to live with me next year. It would make our lives easier (I think), and though the statistics are against us (he claims), I personally think I'd like to live with someone before I got engaged, and most definitely before I got married. It's something I want. He didn't even think about if he wanted to or not; he automatically went with what his parents would think.
Now, I know this may have been a more tactful way of saying no, but it still bugged me. And though we talked about a lot of other things this weekend, I started wondering if our life decisions separately and together would have to be influenced by his parents' feelings on the idea or topic. And I don't know if I would want to have to live up to his parents' expectations of what our relationship should be like. Mainly because I don't think I could.
The big thing, the thing he said would be an issue, is my religion. I consider myself to be a deist, open to learning about other religions and finding one that makes sense to me. His dad's a preacher, Christian through and through, with scholarly works to back him up. So far we've avoided talking about religion around his dad. It came up when I went out to eat with his mom and brother, but I mysteriously fell silent. I don't think his mom has as much issue with it as his dad, and I don't think Adam has an enormous concern about it.
But I know they want me to be Christian. My mom wants me to be Christian. They don't know why I'm not. Adam does. My mom knows the story, but hasn't realized it's also the reason why I'm no longer a believer. His family doesn't know, and I don't know when, or if, I want to tell them. So they don't understand why I believe God doesn't interfere in our lives. And I know even if I tell his brother, he won't understand. He as good as told me when we went to dinner and got on the subject.
The point of this is that I don't know how viable a future with Adam can be if his dad has a say in it. And normally he doesn't, but it seems like big life decisions he will. It's weird - Adam wants me to convert, I'm sure his family does too, but they don't want me to convert because they're Christian. They want me to convert because I believe. Well, I used to believe. Guess what? It failed me when I needed it most. Somehow I can forgive tangible humans more than I can forgive a God or Jesus who can't prove that they're there when I need them most.
The point of this was to vent about how Adam's life decisions that will affect him and, because we're 22 and I'm close to starting life post-schooling, the ones that will affect me will be influenced by his parents. And I love that he's close to his family, they do hold a special place in my heart - but I want him to start to make decisions based on his feelings as well, and more importantly first. He always says he's still a child, but I need him to start to grow up soon.
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