Old Tyme Religion

I knew it. I knew something like this was going to come up. But I didn't think it'd come up for at least another year or two.

Adam's dad basically doesn't think Adam and I will have a happy life together because I'm not Christian. While I ranted a bit on my Tumblr about it, I now have a better understanding of what he meant, but the above conclusion is still true. And I'm still upset over it.

He quoted some scripture that basically said it's going to be hard when two in a relationship are different religions. We're going to have different ideas on how to conduct the wedding, church going activities, and how to raise children, is what it's being interpreted as. And when I first heard it, it basically sounded like he was fine with us dating, but we couldn't get married because of it. I guess that bit's not 100% true, but whatever.

Either way, Adam's dad doesn't know what goes on in our relationship. He doesn't know that so far we've learned how to discuss our differences in religion (to a point) so no one gets angry or hurt by what the other says. He just assumed that we'll have conflict with our differing religions. I don't care if Adam's Christian, as long as he's not rubbing it in my face, telling me I'm going to Hell, or telling me that I'm not a good person because I'm not a Christian. And he doesn't tell me these things.

Nor does he know that I've told Adam before that when it comes to kids, if we have them then I don't care if they go to church or not, as long as they're not forced to continue to go if they don't believe. I also don't care as long as we let them know they have a choice of what religion they belong to. I don't think belief should be forced.

And instead of talking to Adam about it, or approaching me with his concerns, he just assumes that we're doomed because I'm not a Christian. It almost came off as he didn't think I was good enough for his son just because I'm not Christian. And this is what made me mad.

I'm not going to magically gain more morals because I'm a Christian. I'm probably not going to become more conservative just because I'm a Christian. So what's going to change if I became a Christian? My immortal soul would be saved? I'm already quite aware of all the suffering going on in the world and the country. I can't do anything about it except what I try to do right now, and that's bring attention to it. Maybe someone who is in a better position to help and make changes will see it and do something about it. Becoming Christian is not going to bring me into more wealth, time, or power to affect change.

And really, that's what bugs me about organized religion. Somehow I'm not a moral person because I don't believe Jesus died for my sins, because I don't believe he's the son of God. Because Christians haven't ever done wrong. It's stereotypical to say that, and especially to believe it. I'm not sure how to handle it, quite honestly. I've put up with the snide comments about deism, about liberals, about things that I care about.

You would think that after almost a year of dating he'd have come to understand that people can be good without Jesus in their life. And he doesn't even know why I don't believe anymore. Not like it'd matter though, he'd probably just use the same argument as Adam did when I told him.

Adam said he doesn't care what his dad thought, and he said if push comes to shove his mom could probably bring his dad around. I didn't realize that my religion (or "choosing what I believe" in his dad's words) would rule me out as a viable candidate to marry his son, when the last Christian (Catholic) who dated him was not someone who deserved his son. His son deserved much more than what she gave him, but she's got more of a chance because she believes Jesus is her savior.

I guess I should just trust in the fact that Adam said it'd all work out. Good thing I don't have to see his dad for a week.

This is Your Life

It's been awhile. I've moved over some more serious ideas to this blog if you wanted to check it out. This blogger will be more dating thoughts, I guess.

This weekend Adam and I had a series of serious talks about our futures. We've talked about it before, but most joking was set aside this time, and it was in person as opposed to via text message, so I like to think it was fairly serious. It both comforted me and scared me.

About a week ago I asked him if he wanted to live with me if I decided to go to grad school here. I honestly don't know where the thought came from. I hadn't been thinking about it before it just slipped out, and it surprised me as much as it surprised him. But as soon as it came out of my mouth, I knew it was something I meant.

Instead of thinking about it, his almost immediate response was "I don't think my parents would like that." Which wasn't my question at all. I just wanted to know if he wanted to live with me next year. It would make our lives easier (I think), and though the statistics are against us (he claims), I personally think I'd like to live with someone before I got engaged, and most definitely before I got married. It's something I want. He didn't even think about if he wanted to or not; he automatically went with what his parents would think.

Now, I know this may have been a more tactful way of saying no, but it still bugged me. And though we talked about a lot of other things this weekend, I started wondering if our life decisions separately and together would have to be influenced by his parents' feelings on the idea or topic. And I don't know if I would want to have to live up to his parents' expectations of what our relationship should be like. Mainly because I don't think I could.

The big thing, the thing he said would be an issue, is my religion. I consider myself to be a deist, open to learning about other religions and finding one that makes sense to me. His dad's a preacher, Christian through and through, with scholarly works to back him up. So far we've avoided talking about religion around his dad. It came up when I went out to eat with his mom and brother, but I mysteriously fell silent. I don't think his mom has as much issue with it as his dad, and I don't think Adam has an enormous concern about it.

But I know they want me to be Christian. My mom wants me to be Christian. They don't know why I'm not. Adam does. My mom knows the story, but hasn't realized it's also the reason why I'm no longer a believer. His family doesn't know, and I don't know when, or if, I want to tell them. So they don't understand why I believe God doesn't interfere in our lives. And I know even if I tell his brother, he won't understand. He as good as told me when we went to dinner and got on the subject.

The point of this is that I don't know how viable a future with Adam can be if his dad has a say in it. And normally he doesn't, but it seems like big life decisions he will. It's weird - Adam wants me to convert, I'm sure his family does too, but they don't want me to convert because they're Christian. They want me to convert because I believe. Well, I used to believe. Guess what? It failed me when I needed it most. Somehow I can forgive tangible humans more than I can forgive a God or Jesus who can't prove that they're there when I need them most.

The point of this was to vent about how Adam's life decisions that will affect him and, because we're 22 and I'm close to starting life post-schooling, the ones that will affect me will be influenced by his parents. And I love that he's close to his family, they do hold a special place in my heart - but I want him to start to make decisions based on his feelings as well, and more importantly first. He always says he's still a child, but I need him to start to grow up soon.

Losing my Religion

Showcase is over, which means I have time to relax again. That's nice. Almost too nice.

Good Friday was this past weekend, as was Easter. I'm not a religious person, but I do look forward to Christmas and Easter, though not for the religious reasons. I guess it's more of the Pagan traditions that they are based on that I like them: the gifts, the food, the random symbols of the seasons. They hold no Christian values for me.

So I'm not a Christian and I celebrate these holidays. So I'm not a Christian and I donate to churches. Apparently that last fact is surprising to some. Sure, I don't believe in the same thing that you do, but I know that churches are always looking for funding, especially small ones. Just because I don't believe the same thing as you doesn't mean that I can't see how important it is to you.

I think that faith is a very big thing. I think that if you have something in your life that is so important to you that it dictates how you live your life, then that should be fostered. If you're passionate about it, I will support you. The thing that bothers me with organized religion in general is the blind faith I see.

The mentality that "my parents believed this, therefore I will as well" without asking any questions is my issue. That's why I will bring up discussions about religion and things that I have personally seen wrong with the faith. If you can discuss your point without getting angry, and with backing up your belief with what sound like solid facts, then I respect you. I'm not out to evangelize for deism or any other religion (or lack of one).

That leads into another issue I have with religion: telling me I'm going to hell because I don't believe what you say is true is not going to convert me. If it converts someone to Christianity, then I think they're doing it for the wrong reasons. That is not true faith. Joining up because of that is another example of blind faith. This happens with all religions, though, not just Christianity; I'm using Christianity because it's the one I know best (having been a Christian before), and because it's the one I'm constantly surrounded by.

I feel like when I went to church this weekend, the sermon was slightly directed at me. Celebrate because Jesus has risen! I have historical proof outside the Bible that he existed! If you were a Christian before but lost your way, come back to God and Jesus and join our church! There's a good chance it wasn't, but seeing as the minister is my boyfriend's father and knows that I'm a deist, there's also a chance it slightly was.

I'm not against all religions. I'm against organized religions that take their message too far. I figure that there are too many religions out there, with multiple similarities, that I can't be sure of which one is right. Do I believe in a higher power? Yes. Do I believe Jesus existed? I believe there was a man named Jesus. Do I believe he was the son of God? That I don't. Might I believe it in the future? If I can have more proof.

I'm open to possibilities.

Change the World

I have time to relax before working tonight, so I thought I'd post right now. And it's an angry post concerning certain sentiments towards Muslims that have been making headlines.

It makes sense that there is a lot of news about Muslims being released right now. Ramadan is ending, and the celebration of Eid is upon us. Unfortunately, Islam is also connected to the attacks on America on September 11, 2001. It is this date and this attack that is releasing the firestorm of discussion on Islam in the news lately.

The big thing that's been going on for the past month plus is the location of an Islamic center in New York. It's two or three blocks from Ground Zero (I've heard both numbers), and many Americans believe it's a "slap in the face" to everything that was lost on September 11. They say it's "disrespectful" towards the families that lost someone in the attacks.

And yet no one has any qualms with the strip club, McDonald's, bars, and other commercial outlets that are closer than the proposed site. So we can't allow people to go practice their faith in good spirits, but can feed into capitalism and have our base sexual needs fulfilled, all because a few people practiced the same religion?

Let's get something straight: Islam is a fairly peaceful religion. You have extremists in every religion (Westboro Baptist ring a bell?), and throughout history Christians have committed some pretty horrible acts in the name of religion as well. But since they were the winners, they got to write history and decide that their actions were justified.

Not only that, but Islam has a fair amount in common with Christianity. The key aspect of Christianity is the belief that Christ was the son of God. Well, guess what? Muslims believe that Jesus was a prophet. That's what makes it not Christian. But they do believe that he was an important aspect in their religion. They also feel the same way about Muhammad, Abraham, and Moses. Allah is the Arabic word for God; the Gods are the same.

Why focus on all the differences between your religions instead of finding common ground? Why not try and discuss the location of the Islamic center instead of protesting, hurling slurs, and generally being a bigot? Why call for the government to halt the development of the project, when the First Amendment guarantees us freedom of religion?

Take a second and put yourself in their place. Say your religion has been attacked for the past nine years, because a few crazies went too far. Say people look at you out of the corner of their eyes because of what you believe is truth. Say you're told you're not a citizen because of your faith. Now imagine you hear the nation is rallying to stop the building of your place of worship because these few crazies did something horrible that you were appalled by. How would you feel?

Let's take it a step further: How would you feel if someone was declaring to burn copies of the Bible to send a message to the Westboro Baptist Church? You'd be quite upset, right? Lucky for you that this nation has a good number of Christians in power, so this probably won't ever happen to you. But for Muslims in America, it is.

Terry Jones, a pastor in Florida, has scheduled a protest to burn copies of the Koran (Qur'an) on September 11 to send a message to extremist Muslims. He claims he's all right with the moderates, but either way he tries to cover his bigoted ideas, he's still burning a holy book of a massive group of people, and I'm sure he wouldn't appreciate it if a non-Christian burned the Bible.

Thankfully, it's been reported that he's calling off his protest if he gets a conference with the Imam of the Islamic center that's the center of so much controversy, and the Imam has agreed. Even so, it disgusts me that people can be so short-sighted as to walk around with these ideas in their head that what they're doing is acceptable.

The media has come up with a term for what seems to be sweeping the country: Islamaphobia. People are afraid of the little they know about Islam, and don't even go and try to find out more. They just believe the few things they've heard from whatever "news source," or judge based on what happened September 11. It's 2010; we should know by now to do research before forming opinions. We should know by now how dangerous stereotypes can be. We should know by now that it's not right to condemn a whole group of people for the actions of a few.

Shouldn't we be proving to the world that we can still be a melting pot, and that our country is one to be proud of? Showing off our bigots isn't helping this cause.

Find Your Love (72/90)

Pie is delicious.

Today I was watching a Morgan Spurlock TV show called 30 Days. After the success of Super Size Me, he decided to do a series where he'd explore some aspect of life that was usually opposite of what he or the participants were used to, and for 30 days they'd live like this. I've seen some of this show before, and it's intrigued me. Today I watched the minimum wage episode, and the straight/gay episode.

I honestly think more people need to watch this TV show. It's enlightening. The minimum wage one exposed how hard it is to live on minimum wage in this country, for two people only. They hardly made enough to get by, and because both of them had to go to the emergency room without insurance, they actually didn't. They did the math at the end of the show, and found out that they wouldn't be able to pay off their hospital bills for three months, on top of everything else they had to pay for.

Granted, certain states have a higher minimum wage than the federal, and this episode was filmed in 2005, and the federal minimum wage was $5.15. Now, in 2010, it's $7.25. I know that Illinois' minimum wage is higher than the federal, $8.25. But the message is still the same. It is incredibly hard to do more than get by on minimum wage, and it makes you think.

Spurlock visited a church that had free necessities, from dishes to furniture. I'm not a very religious person, but I started thinking that I'd like to find one of these churches and donate a lot of things I don't use to them, so that they can be put to use. I do have a lot of unnecessary things that could be put to use by others.

The second one that came on today was when they took a straight man from Michigan, Ryan, and sent him to live in the Castro district of San Fransisco for 30 days. He was very conservative, very Christian, in the Army reserve, and thought that homosexuality was a sin. Throughout most of his stay, he was firm in his convictions. Some of his stereotypes about how homosexuals lived were shattered; he did realize they weren't very different from him. But he still held on to his belief that it was a sin, and a choice.

Ryan went to a gay church, and still doubted that they were Christian. He talked to the pastor, who brought up what I think is a very good point: he was foregoing certain things in the Bible, but holding strong to others. For example, she asked him if he had, in the course of serving in the Army, ever shot and killed someone, or if he would if it were necessary. He said yes. She then reminded him that killing is a sin. He argued that he was protecting his country. This proved her point.

He also compared homosexuality to murder. He said, "Murder's a sin, and homosexuality's a sin." Excuse me, but I do believe that ending a life is a bit worse than loving someone. And didn't Jesus teach love? Didn't Jesus love those who society deemed unworthy? Weren't prostitutes condemned too, and wasn't Mary Magdalene a prostitute? Please correct me if I'm wrong. I wasn't raised by the Bible, so I could be getting my facts wrong.

Personally, I say live and let live. I don't think it's a sin, and even if you think it is, are you worthy to be judging them? I thought that was God's job. I thought you were supposed to love your neighbor, not deny them rights because they're different. I thought that you were supposed to spread the word of God. All of the word, to all people.

Love is love is love.