Halloween

So I actually had a pretty good week.

I got all my projects done, didn't work too much, and had a free weekend. I helped to organize a Halloween party for work, and that was a lot of fun. Though I didn't study as much as I should have because of it, since I had two tests on Friday. But Friday night I went to a friend's for a party, and it was nice to hang out with them because I don't get to see them very often anymore. Then last night I went to a co-worker's party, and heard about all the shenanigans that I had missed since I went to a friend's instead of my boss' party. And here's when I start in on Halloween.

My friends, people I don't know, even movies like Mean Girls say that Halloween is the only holiday a girl can dress like a slut and no one can say anything about it. Well, here's my thing: If you look like a slut, I'm gonna say something. I might not say it to your face, but believe me, I am judging your slutty ass in that skimpy costume. I don't care how "hot" you are, you still look like a whore.

And that's the thing I really don't like about this holiday. I don't like dressing like a slut, and my version of tarty clothing is different than a lot of peoples'. But trying to find a costume that's not ho-tastic is incredibly frustrating. What makes it worse is that I have these things called curves, which makes the skirts shorter in the back and the tops tighter. Of course, a good 90% of all womens' costumes have skirts (big surprise there). Unless you make your costume, you're in danger of having some part of your costume show more skin than necessary, and for me comfortable.

But when did this holiday become this way? I don't remember skanky costumes when I was younger being advertised in the Halloween stores. The kids' costumes are having less material as well. I don't understand why this holiday means we put our bodies on display for drunken guys to ogle at. Quite frankly, I'd rather have attention from a sober guy in my regular clothes than the drunken guy who likes me because I'm a "princess" or a "superhero" whose costume is nowhere near conducive to fighting crime (or covering up).

My Halloween costumes are tasteful, I believe. I've been a spy for a few years, I was a fairy once (with a cami to cover my cleavage), I was a pirate freshman year with the rest of my friends, I was Catwoman last year and the only skin you could see was from the neck up, and this year I was a few things. I was the "Walk of Shame" for work (which was a lot of fun), I was a ringleader at the smaller party, and I was Little Red/Dead Riding Hood for the co-worker's party.

I wore the same black tights to all the parties. I had shorts on for each costume. And my top was covered as well. Sure, the dress was shorter than anything I wear, but my costume choices were rather conservative compared to other peoples'. And to be honest, though I was wearing shorts I didn't feel completely comfortable in it. And I got "cute costume" the whole night. Let's be honest, I wanted more than cute costume. I guess since for me it was "sexier" than what I'm used to, it was just normal for everyone else.

I had fun in my costume. I liked my costume a lot. I did think it was cute. I wasn't going for sexy. Which is why I'm confused as to why I'm annoyed I didn't get anything more than cute. Maybe it's because of the reputation Halloween has. Though I don't want to look like a slut, it does get you down after awhile of being ignored when the friends you came with keep getting hit on. Especially when you think and have been told that you're more attractive than them, even if it is just by friends who are female.

I want to take back Halloween. I want to have a fun costume, be it funny or homemade or sexy, whatever I feel like being that day/year. I want to go trick-or-treating, because free candy is amazing. I want to talk to people because they have a pretty sweet costume, and I want people to talk to me because of the same reason. I want to spend weeks getting excited about it, and maybe going to a haunted house or watching scary movies.

Seems to me I want to go back to being a kid.

This Is How It Feels (61/90)

Hi guys. Tonight's post is early because I'm going to the midnight airing of The Last Airbender (aka the true Avatar).

And tonight's post is going to be another rant. I ordered a swimsuit online a few days ago. From Victoria's Secret, who you would think would be willing to cater to busty women. I mean, their ad campaigns feature busty women who are thinner. I ordered a large, the biggest size in one of the few suits that I A) liked and B) might look good in. It came today, and I tried only the top on.

The top didn't fit. Even after I took out the padding. It didn't fit on the sides and it didn't lay flat against my ribs. It was gaping instead of sitting there, and there wasn't any support at all. And it defeated me today. I was actually feeling optimistic about this.

I've tried Victoria's Secret before, and occasionally do find things in the store. But it's a rare occasion. Which is why I'm not sure why I actually thought something might fit me. Maybe it's because I've lost some weight and thought that I might be able to fit something in their line.

But I couldn't. For anyone who may stumble across this who doesn't know me, I'm a girl with an hourglass figure. Quite curvy on top and on bottom, not much in the middle. What people say is the "ideal," and that people would kill for. And yet, it's becoming more of a struggle to find something that fits it.

There are days when I absolutely adore my body, and some days when I wish I didn't have it. Earlier today I actually quite liked it. After I tried on the swimsuit, however, my mood changed instantly. And I'm still looking at the swimsuit I have yet to repackage, and every time I look up I just get another sinking feeling in my stomach.

It's frustrating. It seems like every time I need to find something fitting, no one carries it for me. Obviously I have issues finding bras, if I have issues finding a swimsuit top that fits me. I can't find a pair of jeans that fits me correctly. I always have to wear a belt, and there is a good two inches of fabric at the front of my jeans that bunches because there's nothing in front to fill it with.

I would just like to find something that fits me correctly on the first try, not on try ten.

Dressed to Kill (19/90)

Today I went dress shopping, and got an adorable black dress. And I took my friend out for her first legal drink, which is why this post is later than usual.

It's strange how clothes can make you feel and change your body image. There are few stores that I can actually go into and successfully find a complete outfit. An outfit, to me, is a top, bottom, and shoes. Mainly I have issues with the bottoms. I am what everyone says is the "ideal" body type: hourglass. And there's no pants out there that fit me. I have a rather prominent butt, and a small waist. But the pants that they make that will fit over my butt are huge in the waist, so I always have to wear a belt.

My parents have decided I should grow up and look into the women's department, as opposed to the junior's. According to them, more women are shaped my way. Didn't work. Apparently my body type is a very rare one that doesn't get to be dressed. And it's not only with pants, but with dresses too.

Dresses usually fit me well in one area, never all over. And since I try to walk in them, I opt for the bottom to fit better. This becomes an issue when the top has a certain design that's supposed to lay on a certain body part. Usually this doesn't happen, so things look different on top. I'll probably take a picture tomorrow to further illustrate my point, but I'm in my pajamas right now and don't feel like changing.

I always have fun shopping for tops, though. That's one area where, if I avoid the shirts I know won't fit right, I can always find something to wear that looks decent if not good on me. I have never gone shirt shopping and come out of it frustrated, unless I was looking for a specific shirt in a specific color.

And unfortunately, I have an issue with shoes. I wear an in-between size on the higher end of the sizes, so it's hardly ever made or sold. 10.5. I blame my mom for my big feet, and I usually end up going a size higher than what I normally wear. So all the shoes that are in my room right now (and trust me, there's at least 10 pairs) look almost like clown shoes. They don't look big on me, but just laying around they look huge. And while shoe shopping is nowhere near as frustrating as pants shopping, it does get annoying when I see cute shoes that are a half a size too small, and can't order them in my size.

But today I'm not bitter about any of that. Probably because I went dress shopping, and the dresses I picked looked fairly decent on me. I didn't even think of trying on bottoms, and tried to find new shoes. I found my size, but they didn't go with my dress. And it was a new experience. Usually I shop with someone who's about the same size as me, and today I went with Anna. She's half my size (literally, her dress size is half of what mine is). So trying on the same dresses was fun.

And today was the first time in a few days when I actually wanted to talk to someone. She's the only friend I have who isn't a few months younger than me; she's actually older than me. I don't know if that makes a difference, besides for my birthday in about two weeks, but maybe it does. We've always been able to talk about things that I haven't really talked about with other friends, so it was nice to be able to talk to her so openly about what was really going on in my life.

And shopping always perks me up. It's a guilty pleasure of mine. I like shopping even if I don't have any money with me, or do it online. It's something to do with my time, and makes me feel good about myself when I look good in something I've tried on, even if I have no intention of buying it.

It's funny how shopping can turn a mood around so quickly. I guess we all just want to look good.

*Happy 21st birthday, Anna!*