Well, it's finals week. Last week was swamped with things to do, from Tuesday night on. It wasn't fun, work-wise. But now it's good. I get to relax today and some of tomorrow. But onto writing things. Things that I don't really know what to write about. I've been going for so long that I don't really have anything in my head to write about.
We've had TBS on the TV while we've been studying. Mainly Friends. And it's been getting me thinking about my own friends, and my life. We're going to get an apartment next year, which means we'll be more on our own than we have been at college so far. We have to get furniture, pay rent, and cook. Oh good lord, cooking. That's an interesting thought. And then I'll be farther from campus, which should be interesting. But we get our own apartment.
And then what about next year? The last year I'll be on campus. The last year I'll be in Muncie, and probably living in Indiana. I know it's a year away, but for some reason I keep thinking about it. I have no idea where I'm going to end up. A lot of people are talking about going to grad school, but I really don't know why I'd go, or where I'd end up for that matter. I kind of wanna just go and jump into work already, or go to fashion/dance/photography/culinary school. Go do something I have an interest in and no background whatsoever.
The only reason I'd be going to grad school would be because I like being a student and have nothing else to do with my life. But really, I'm kind of sick of school and just want to get on with my life. I'm still very reliant on my parents, and I kind of want to start going on my own. But that's what the apartment will be for next year.
But I don't even know why I'm thinking about graduation when I don't have any idea where I'm going to intern this summer. That's what I should really be focusing on, but my mind keeps jumping to even further in the future. And I think it's mostly about my future relationships.
I don't really want to leave my friends behind, but I'm afraid that it'll happen when I go back home. It's already hard enough to keep in touch with a lot of them, and I'm afraid that when I go home it'll be even harder. I don't want to think like that, but I don't want to lose them. I've got a whole year and a half though, to change things and figure them all out. But I want to stay friends with everyone, kind of like in Friends. But more importantly, I want them to be like in Sex and the City. The four friends who stick together through everything well into their 30's. Weekly brunches and things like that.
I think I've been thinking too much, because I've even been thinking about people that I've just met, and how things will play out in the future. I've already become incredibly attached to this school, these people, my job, and this year in general. It makes me incredibly sad to think that because I'm just one state over, I won't be close to the people who have become my second family at school. So I guess I'll try and keep things the way they are with some, and improve them greatly for the rest.
*This has kind of been a throwaway post*
Showing posts with label Future. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Future. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Saturday, June 26, 2010
One of These Days (56/90)
I haven't done anything today really.
Last night my internet went out, so instead of doing something somewhat productive like working on my story, or reading Harry Potter, I played solitaire and listened to an album for an hour and a half. And today I didn't do anything productive at all. I didn't work out, didn't work on my story, and didn't clean up. I ate fast food twice today and sat in front of my TV or laptop. And I really didn't mind too much.
I've been thinking about the future a lot lately. It's understandable, because all that my summer's amounting to is me driving my brother around, eating with my friends, working out, and being on the computer. I do spare a few thoughts for August and the upcoming school year, but my future planning has been going a bit further than that.
Looking for potential future internships is incredibly difficult, I've come to find. Since I'm planning on doing mine next summer, the ones I want to look for have been filled, and the Web sites aren't advertising for next summer yet. I want to do an internship in Chicago, so I can just take the train every day and not have to worry about a place to live. But it seems like most of these internships are unpaid.
Yes, I need work experience. I need an internship to graduate. But I need to make money so that I don't have to continue to take loans out, so I'd really prefer a paid internship. And I'm not really having much luck with bigger names either; a lot of them are unpaid as well. And the big-name magazines are based in New York City, so I most definitely need some sort of income since I wouldn't be living at home.
It seems like I'm just looking to the summers, because I've also been thinking about the summer after I graduate. I'm thinking of going to graduate school right after, and I'm hoping to go to one in Chicago. I want to live in an apartment in downtown Chicago. I want to live in the city. I really wouldn't mind living in New York either. The only thing that stinks is that most of my college friends will be staying in Indiana.
But before I relocate to wherever grad school will be, I want to go to Europe. At the very least, I want to spend at least a week in England. I didn't get the chance to go this summer like I thought I would, because of complications, but I do have my passport for the first time. I think that I'll plan my own trip out, and see if I can't find at least one friend to accompany me. And if I have the money and time, then I'd also like to visit Spain, France, and Italy.
I haven't done a lot of research yet, but I do know that at the very least being in England and getting to go to London will be satisfying enough. I'd want to see everything and do everything, and if I could go then all the money I had saved would probably end up going to the trip, except for what was necessary for the apartment I'd be returning to.
And this future, while sparse, is one that I'm honestly excited about. It may not have concrete plans, it may just be vague ideas, and it may not include anyone other than my closest friends. For me, that's something that usually doesn't happen. I'm usually not comfortable if I don't have more than the bare minimum of information. But today, and lately, I've been embracing it.
Maybe it means I've finally reached a point in my life where I'm comfortable with seeing what the universe has in store for me.
Last night my internet went out, so instead of doing something somewhat productive like working on my story, or reading Harry Potter, I played solitaire and listened to an album for an hour and a half. And today I didn't do anything productive at all. I didn't work out, didn't work on my story, and didn't clean up. I ate fast food twice today and sat in front of my TV or laptop. And I really didn't mind too much.
I've been thinking about the future a lot lately. It's understandable, because all that my summer's amounting to is me driving my brother around, eating with my friends, working out, and being on the computer. I do spare a few thoughts for August and the upcoming school year, but my future planning has been going a bit further than that.
Looking for potential future internships is incredibly difficult, I've come to find. Since I'm planning on doing mine next summer, the ones I want to look for have been filled, and the Web sites aren't advertising for next summer yet. I want to do an internship in Chicago, so I can just take the train every day and not have to worry about a place to live. But it seems like most of these internships are unpaid.
Yes, I need work experience. I need an internship to graduate. But I need to make money so that I don't have to continue to take loans out, so I'd really prefer a paid internship. And I'm not really having much luck with bigger names either; a lot of them are unpaid as well. And the big-name magazines are based in New York City, so I most definitely need some sort of income since I wouldn't be living at home.
It seems like I'm just looking to the summers, because I've also been thinking about the summer after I graduate. I'm thinking of going to graduate school right after, and I'm hoping to go to one in Chicago. I want to live in an apartment in downtown Chicago. I want to live in the city. I really wouldn't mind living in New York either. The only thing that stinks is that most of my college friends will be staying in Indiana.
But before I relocate to wherever grad school will be, I want to go to Europe. At the very least, I want to spend at least a week in England. I didn't get the chance to go this summer like I thought I would, because of complications, but I do have my passport for the first time. I think that I'll plan my own trip out, and see if I can't find at least one friend to accompany me. And if I have the money and time, then I'd also like to visit Spain, France, and Italy.
I haven't done a lot of research yet, but I do know that at the very least being in England and getting to go to London will be satisfying enough. I'd want to see everything and do everything, and if I could go then all the money I had saved would probably end up going to the trip, except for what was necessary for the apartment I'd be returning to.
And this future, while sparse, is one that I'm honestly excited about. It may not have concrete plans, it may just be vague ideas, and it may not include anyone other than my closest friends. For me, that's something that usually doesn't happen. I'm usually not comfortable if I don't have more than the bare minimum of information. But today, and lately, I've been embracing it.
Maybe it means I've finally reached a point in my life where I'm comfortable with seeing what the universe has in store for me.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Where the Story Ends
So Brad says that lists are the easy way out, that they're not stories. It's just throwing your thoughts up in a list, building on them a bit, and sending to press. But today I feel like writing a little list, at least for myself. Because for more than a week now, I've been thinking about what I want, for me. I've always put myself second in relationships, and now that I'm single I've decided I need to raise my standards a bit. I need to take care of me. I'm important. I deserve to be treated as such.
For any guy who's interested:
1. Take care of me.
I'm always the strong one: the one who keeps on task and keeps you on task. The one who knows what's going on. The one who has money. The one who plans things. This is a constant theme in all of my relationships, and I'm sick of it. I want to be taken care of, even if it's just for a little while.
2. Be responsible for your own schedule.
Know when you have to get stuff in. If you need reminders every once in awhile, that's fine. I'm fine with helping you out there occasionally. But if I have to remind you of things that need to get done outside of class, as I did with Zack and Jose and to an extent Dave, then that's a bit much. I don't want you to fail at whatever you need to get done, I just don't want to be your schedule-keeper.
3. If you're genuinely interested in my activities, ask about them. If not, don't say you are.
Show me you're interested. If you don't, I'll think you just want to get into my pants and are saying things to impress me. I'm fine if you're not interested in Harry Potter, dancing, or fencing. I'd much rather you be honest with me. Say it sounds interesting but you'd never try it. Don't say you'll try it and then bail. Or, if it's truly not interesting in the least, but you can see it's important to me, say something along those lines.
4. Be spontaneous.
I'm a person who plans every aspect of my life. I don't do spontaneity very often. I'd like to change that, but sometimes I need help. And I don't mean something like, "Let's go to Kentucky for a weekend!" Thursday evening. I mean small things. Call me to look at the moon. Go for a walk with me to see the stars. Bring me something small, just to let me know you're thinking about me. Even if you don't have money, you have a meal plan. If you bring me something, there's a 95% chance I'll like it and eat it.
5. If you have a problem, come to me.
Don't keep things from me. If I notice something's visibly bothering you, then tell me. If it's not yours to tell, say that and I'll back off. If something's bothering you and you keep it from me because you don't want my opinion of you to change, saying that's going to change my opinion of you. It makes me think you can't trust me to care for you because you have a flaw. I already know you're not perfect.
6. Don't try to make me jealous.
Because it'll work. I don't know why you'd want me to be jealous of some other girl. I already have self-esteem issues. It doesn't end well for you if I find out you're intentionally making me jealous, or disregard my feelings of jealousy. Because in my past experience, I've had a reason to be jealous of the people I'm jealous of. One ex was still in love with her, another ex moved in on her after dumping me, and I know how girls think for the others.
7. Deal with me.
I'm a simple girl. I take pleasure in simple things, like Disney movies, cake, and sleep. I've got an eclectic list of interests: Harry Potter, religion, fashion, philosophy, photography, Power Rangers, cooking, and coloring, just to name a few. I can either be insanely mature, or take pleasure in childish things. It depends on where my head is. If that scares you now, then you don't know me, and if you dismiss me, you'll probably end up missing out. Get to know me and see how often I talk about those things that scare you.
8. Be romantic.
If you claim you're the romantic type, follow through. I've experienced little true romance, and of those few times I've had a part in planning it. I'm a hopeless romantic. I want to get swept off my feet. Cook for me. Study in candlelight. Go for a midnight walk with me and dance in the moonlight. Bring me a single flower. Write me silly notes. Text me just because. Mention me to your friends. Mention me to the world, via Internet.
9. Tell me how you feel.
Usually I'm not sure what to think about this. I mean, I like figuring out if someone has feelings for me. But I've come to realize that some people are just big flirts, and I can misread what I think are signs. I flirt with people too. I know this. But if I'm flirting with you every day and try and keep the conversation going for hours on end, 9 times out of 10 I have feelings for you. I won't outright tell you I like you unless you tell me first.
10. The superficial part...
This is subject to change. I go for personality over looks all the time.
But I'd like someone who's a bit taller than me, probably 5'10" and above. Someone who's cute. I'm a sucker for eyes, and tallying it up it seems that blue's the prevalent color. Someone who can dress himself. Someone who's confident. Well kept. Toned. There's this thing that I like to call the "V" that some guys have. Ask about it, I'll describe it. Probably my second favorite thing on a guy (eyes are first). I don't want to hear that I could've done much better again.
That said, I'm not sure how long it'll take me to be ready to find this person. Sometimes it feels like I should take initiative right now and go for it. Sometimes I think it'll take me a few months to be able to have a meaningful relationship. But if you care enough to come to my blog and read it, and are genuinely interested in me, then I'll do my best.
For any guy who's interested:
1. Take care of me.
I'm always the strong one: the one who keeps on task and keeps you on task. The one who knows what's going on. The one who has money. The one who plans things. This is a constant theme in all of my relationships, and I'm sick of it. I want to be taken care of, even if it's just for a little while.
2. Be responsible for your own schedule.
Know when you have to get stuff in. If you need reminders every once in awhile, that's fine. I'm fine with helping you out there occasionally. But if I have to remind you of things that need to get done outside of class, as I did with Zack and Jose and to an extent Dave, then that's a bit much. I don't want you to fail at whatever you need to get done, I just don't want to be your schedule-keeper.
3. If you're genuinely interested in my activities, ask about them. If not, don't say you are.
Show me you're interested. If you don't, I'll think you just want to get into my pants and are saying things to impress me. I'm fine if you're not interested in Harry Potter, dancing, or fencing. I'd much rather you be honest with me. Say it sounds interesting but you'd never try it. Don't say you'll try it and then bail. Or, if it's truly not interesting in the least, but you can see it's important to me, say something along those lines.
4. Be spontaneous.
I'm a person who plans every aspect of my life. I don't do spontaneity very often. I'd like to change that, but sometimes I need help. And I don't mean something like, "Let's go to Kentucky for a weekend!" Thursday evening. I mean small things. Call me to look at the moon. Go for a walk with me to see the stars. Bring me something small, just to let me know you're thinking about me. Even if you don't have money, you have a meal plan. If you bring me something, there's a 95% chance I'll like it and eat it.
5. If you have a problem, come to me.
Don't keep things from me. If I notice something's visibly bothering you, then tell me. If it's not yours to tell, say that and I'll back off. If something's bothering you and you keep it from me because you don't want my opinion of you to change, saying that's going to change my opinion of you. It makes me think you can't trust me to care for you because you have a flaw. I already know you're not perfect.
6. Don't try to make me jealous.
Because it'll work. I don't know why you'd want me to be jealous of some other girl. I already have self-esteem issues. It doesn't end well for you if I find out you're intentionally making me jealous, or disregard my feelings of jealousy. Because in my past experience, I've had a reason to be jealous of the people I'm jealous of. One ex was still in love with her, another ex moved in on her after dumping me, and I know how girls think for the others.
7. Deal with me.
I'm a simple girl. I take pleasure in simple things, like Disney movies, cake, and sleep. I've got an eclectic list of interests: Harry Potter, religion, fashion, philosophy, photography, Power Rangers, cooking, and coloring, just to name a few. I can either be insanely mature, or take pleasure in childish things. It depends on where my head is. If that scares you now, then you don't know me, and if you dismiss me, you'll probably end up missing out. Get to know me and see how often I talk about those things that scare you.
8. Be romantic.
If you claim you're the romantic type, follow through. I've experienced little true romance, and of those few times I've had a part in planning it. I'm a hopeless romantic. I want to get swept off my feet. Cook for me. Study in candlelight. Go for a midnight walk with me and dance in the moonlight. Bring me a single flower. Write me silly notes. Text me just because. Mention me to your friends. Mention me to the world, via Internet.
9. Tell me how you feel.
Usually I'm not sure what to think about this. I mean, I like figuring out if someone has feelings for me. But I've come to realize that some people are just big flirts, and I can misread what I think are signs. I flirt with people too. I know this. But if I'm flirting with you every day and try and keep the conversation going for hours on end, 9 times out of 10 I have feelings for you. I won't outright tell you I like you unless you tell me first.
10. The superficial part...
This is subject to change. I go for personality over looks all the time.
But I'd like someone who's a bit taller than me, probably 5'10" and above. Someone who's cute. I'm a sucker for eyes, and tallying it up it seems that blue's the prevalent color. Someone who can dress himself. Someone who's confident. Well kept. Toned. There's this thing that I like to call the "V" that some guys have. Ask about it, I'll describe it. Probably my second favorite thing on a guy (eyes are first). I don't want to hear that I could've done much better again.
That said, I'm not sure how long it'll take me to be ready to find this person. Sometimes it feels like I should take initiative right now and go for it. Sometimes I think it'll take me a few months to be able to have a meaningful relationship. But if you care enough to come to my blog and read it, and are genuinely interested in me, then I'll do my best.
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