I went rock climbing today, and am now sore.
Lately it seems like I've been surrounded by sex. My friends keep talking about it, the soap operas my mom watches use it as a major plot point, and there's usually something sexual in the movies. It's natural to be curious about it, because thinking about it in its most base sense may seem a bit odd. Honestly, it's sticking something repeatedly in and out for an indeterminable amount of time until exhausted.
There has been an increasing number of teens who have sex at a younger age, and many believe that abstinence-only sexual education will bring the number down. Here's my two cents: I was just a teen. Telling me not to do something makes me want to do it even more. And teaching me that I shouldn't have sex because it's bad or will lead to pregnancy and/or STD's may deter some, but on the off chance that I did give in, I'd like to be informed. Obviously there have been people who have had sex and haven't gotten any of these, so teaching about condoms at the very least seems like a good idea.
When I was in middle school, I wasn't thinking about sex. I was thinking about hanging out with my friends, reading, and writing. I can't imagine thinking about sex at that young of an age, but there are teens that are. It's an odd thought for me, to think that they want to lose their virginity at such a young age. So then I got to thinking about why it could be.
As I said before, there's some type of sexual situation in everyday programming. It seems like with more advances in technology we care less about what goes on the screen. Just looking at a PG-13 rated movie from a few years ago compared to today will give you a good idea of that. People have embraced that old advertising adage: Sex sells.
And it truly does. Not only on TV, but in our music. There are songs about wanting to have sex with "every girl in the world," about how boys like to "ride" someone, and about how someone may be crazy, but since she's good at sex the guy is glad to stick around. These songs are "Every Girl" by Young Money, "Ride" by Ciara, and "Crazy B*tch" by Buckcherry, if you were wondering. They're all about sex. There's no hidden meaning behind the words. They want to have good sex, and some just want women to have sex with.
These are chart-topping hits, and they are accompanied by music videos. The dancing in them is highly sexual and suggestive, with scantily-clad women in "Every Girl," a lot of booty shaking in "Ride," and strippers in "Crazy B*tch."I won't deny that I don't own each of these songs, but then again I'm 21. I won't say that they should be pulled from the radio, because I enjoy them. Granted, I enjoy "Every Girl" because I find the lyrics amusing.
But I think that since younger girls are emulating the women they see in these music videos that something needs to change. At age 14 I don't think you're ready for sex, personally. I don't know what needs to change exactly, except maybe better parenting. At the age of 14 you can't have a job, so these girls are (presumably) getting their clothes from their parents. At the very least, the parents are allowing them to walk around like that.
Personally, I wouldn't let my 14 year old daughter walk out of the house in a skirt where the pockets stick out on the bottom. Maybe I'm just a bit old-fashioned, but I know she wouldn't be emotionally ready for sex, and there are people out there who could take advantage of her naivety to try to persuade her into doing something she didn't want to.
I don't know exactly what, but I think that something needs to change.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
The Sound of Revenge (67/90)
I just finished watching John Tucker Must Die.
For those who haven't seen it, it's set in high school. The star basketball player is a player with the women, dating multiples that would never associate with each other. They find out and want revenge, and meet a girl who can help them. They use her to get revenge on him. The movie is quite amusing and has a happy, if slightly predictable, ending.
But what really got me thinking was their desire for revenge. I've thought about revenge on a few people for different reasons. I've thought it through, talked about it, and thought about what exactly I'd want to do to them. There are some people who have probably deserved to have more done to them than I've done, and most of them haven't deserved my forgiveness. But I still talk to them. My revenge plans are never carried out.
Even if I were in their position, I don't think I'd be able to get revenge on someone. I don't think I have it in me. I like to believe the best in people, and hope that eventually karma will hit them harder than I ever could. If it can get to them, I silently rejoice. I don't like to let those who have an unquenchable thirst for revenge take it out on them, because most of the time it's between the two of us. Even if everyone knows they have something coming.
I'm just not a vengeful person. There have been times when I wish I was, some quite recently, in fact. I've had plans made, discussed, and on the verge of being carried out. But I've never followed through with them. Do I believe in revenge? Yes. I'm just not one to go and exact it.
I'm a passive-aggressive person, so that makes sense. I do get my revenge, even if I'm the only one who knows it. It does rely heavily on karma, though. My revenge is mostly out of my hands, and I'd actually like to have a bigger role in it. I just don't have the personality to do so.
Revenge is different than justice. I guess I hope that the world will eventually bring the person to justice, even though it seems like that's only happened once in my past. That's why we have impartial judges and juries try our cases, and hand out sentencing to criminals. I'd like to think that karma works that way. If I take justice into my own hands against these people, then it's revenge, and I might get hurt even more in the end.
But I'm perfectly fine getting back at someone whose hurt one of my friends. I guess because then I see it as justice, since I was not directly hurt by it. Even though it's still revenge in a sense, because I'm not directly hurt I see it more as a combination of revenge and justice.
Even so, I've never gone through with seeking justice from them.
For those who haven't seen it, it's set in high school. The star basketball player is a player with the women, dating multiples that would never associate with each other. They find out and want revenge, and meet a girl who can help them. They use her to get revenge on him. The movie is quite amusing and has a happy, if slightly predictable, ending.
But what really got me thinking was their desire for revenge. I've thought about revenge on a few people for different reasons. I've thought it through, talked about it, and thought about what exactly I'd want to do to them. There are some people who have probably deserved to have more done to them than I've done, and most of them haven't deserved my forgiveness. But I still talk to them. My revenge plans are never carried out.
Even if I were in their position, I don't think I'd be able to get revenge on someone. I don't think I have it in me. I like to believe the best in people, and hope that eventually karma will hit them harder than I ever could. If it can get to them, I silently rejoice. I don't like to let those who have an unquenchable thirst for revenge take it out on them, because most of the time it's between the two of us. Even if everyone knows they have something coming.
I'm just not a vengeful person. There have been times when I wish I was, some quite recently, in fact. I've had plans made, discussed, and on the verge of being carried out. But I've never followed through with them. Do I believe in revenge? Yes. I'm just not one to go and exact it.
I'm a passive-aggressive person, so that makes sense. I do get my revenge, even if I'm the only one who knows it. It does rely heavily on karma, though. My revenge is mostly out of my hands, and I'd actually like to have a bigger role in it. I just don't have the personality to do so.
Revenge is different than justice. I guess I hope that the world will eventually bring the person to justice, even though it seems like that's only happened once in my past. That's why we have impartial judges and juries try our cases, and hand out sentencing to criminals. I'd like to think that karma works that way. If I take justice into my own hands against these people, then it's revenge, and I might get hurt even more in the end.
But I'm perfectly fine getting back at someone whose hurt one of my friends. I guess because then I see it as justice, since I was not directly hurt by it. Even though it's still revenge in a sense, because I'm not directly hurt I see it more as a combination of revenge and justice.
Even so, I've never gone through with seeking justice from them.
Monday, July 5, 2010
Beautiful, Dirty, Rich (66/90)
Got back on track with my work out today.
I think I'm going to lay on my floor with some music on before I blog from now on, unless there's been something on my mind all day that I want to get out. I was listening to Lady Gaga today, and "Love Game" and "Poker Face" came on. They're about sex, and I got to thinking about it. What if I could be that girl like Lady Gaga, who was confident about her sexuality and not afraid to flaunt it? Where could I be right now?
And then I got to thinking about beautiful people in general. I tried to watch some of America's Next Top Model season 9 today, and I couldn't watch more than a few minutes of it. And that was the season I started watching the show, and got hooked. Most of the girls there had beauty that outweighed their brains by quite a margin. But they were on TV.
There aren't many reality TV shows that feature intelligent people, men or women. The ones that do are game shows, like Jeopardy and the like. These shows aren't nearly as popular as America's Next Top Model or Jersey Shore. Most of the programming that features intelligent people are fictionalized, like Criminal Minds, Numbers, etc. They may be based on real events or people, but are condensed and fictionalized to appeal to the public.
And even then, these people are not what you would call ugly, even if the people they are based on aren't the most attractive people. When converting a true story to the camera, the best looking actors are made available, even if they aren't the best candidates for the job, in order to pull in more ratings.
So it seems to me that our society places more worth on people who are beautiful than those who are intelligent. We revere celebrities, and barely acknowledge intellectuals. From watching TV, it seems like we are sending the message that beauty is what is needed to advance in this world, and it's actually true. I feel like if I wrote a speech out and had someone who was less attractive than me, they would have fewer listeners than if I were to read it, depending on the setting.
I've had many people decide to talk to me solely based on the way my body looks, something that I haven't been able to choose for myself. And there have been a few people who, when I start talking about something I've researched or something that I'm passionate about, will become disinterested.
We like something that we can look at for an extended period of time, not something we can listen to or make us think. There are times when I wish I could rely on beauty to get me through certain things in life, but I know that I wouldn't be content to sit back and ride that wave. I've somehow landed myself in a situation where my appearance has been valued much higher than my personality, and the novelty has definitely started to wear off.
Our society would prefer to talk to a horrible person who was gorgeous than an intelligent person with a prominent nose. But what happens when the gorgeous people who know how to get their way based on their beauty get positions that they are not qualified for? We don't stop to think about that. Just because someone is beautiful doesn't mean they can do everything.
I imagine beauty fades faster than intelligence.
I think I'm going to lay on my floor with some music on before I blog from now on, unless there's been something on my mind all day that I want to get out. I was listening to Lady Gaga today, and "Love Game" and "Poker Face" came on. They're about sex, and I got to thinking about it. What if I could be that girl like Lady Gaga, who was confident about her sexuality and not afraid to flaunt it? Where could I be right now?
And then I got to thinking about beautiful people in general. I tried to watch some of America's Next Top Model season 9 today, and I couldn't watch more than a few minutes of it. And that was the season I started watching the show, and got hooked. Most of the girls there had beauty that outweighed their brains by quite a margin. But they were on TV.
There aren't many reality TV shows that feature intelligent people, men or women. The ones that do are game shows, like Jeopardy and the like. These shows aren't nearly as popular as America's Next Top Model or Jersey Shore. Most of the programming that features intelligent people are fictionalized, like Criminal Minds, Numbers, etc. They may be based on real events or people, but are condensed and fictionalized to appeal to the public.
And even then, these people are not what you would call ugly, even if the people they are based on aren't the most attractive people. When converting a true story to the camera, the best looking actors are made available, even if they aren't the best candidates for the job, in order to pull in more ratings.
So it seems to me that our society places more worth on people who are beautiful than those who are intelligent. We revere celebrities, and barely acknowledge intellectuals. From watching TV, it seems like we are sending the message that beauty is what is needed to advance in this world, and it's actually true. I feel like if I wrote a speech out and had someone who was less attractive than me, they would have fewer listeners than if I were to read it, depending on the setting.
I've had many people decide to talk to me solely based on the way my body looks, something that I haven't been able to choose for myself. And there have been a few people who, when I start talking about something I've researched or something that I'm passionate about, will become disinterested.
We like something that we can look at for an extended period of time, not something we can listen to or make us think. There are times when I wish I could rely on beauty to get me through certain things in life, but I know that I wouldn't be content to sit back and ride that wave. I've somehow landed myself in a situation where my appearance has been valued much higher than my personality, and the novelty has definitely started to wear off.
Our society would prefer to talk to a horrible person who was gorgeous than an intelligent person with a prominent nose. But what happens when the gorgeous people who know how to get their way based on their beauty get positions that they are not qualified for? We don't stop to think about that. Just because someone is beautiful doesn't mean they can do everything.
I imagine beauty fades faster than intelligence.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Fireworks (65/90)
Happy Fourth y'all.
I was standing in my backyard, trying to catch a few fireworks from everyone else's yards. I think this is the first Independence Day in four years that I've stayed home with my family, and haven't had someone by my side as I watched some fireworks. I had some music playing, and the fireworks and my situation inspired me. I think I have a poem in me tonight, everyone.
Alone, in my backyard
Watching everyone else's festivities.
Alright with my situation on some days,
Incredibly lonely on others.
And I think of you, and the fantasies we entertained one night.
The ones of a beach, fireworks going off over our heads
As we made our own fireworks on the ground.
One of the few fantasies that stuck with me.
I want to see your fireworks.
I want to be the cause of them.
I want to see fireworks,
I want them caused by you.
Sparks have flown between us,
Helped by imaginations and distance.
But lately, they've seemed less like magnesium
And more like children's playthings.
I may have been acting like a child with you,
Wanting something, and getting frustrated when I can't get it.
The idea and anticipation may be more intriguing
Than actually having the object.
I want those fireworks.
I want a blaze in your eyes when you look at me,
I want the same excitement fireworks can give
To light in you when you're with me.
A question arises: Why?
Why do I want this so badly?
Am I feeling that lonely?
Or am I looking for something different?
And the biggest question of all:
Can I go through with it?
Because I'm afraid,
Afraid and concerned that
This will be like a firework,
Providing entertainment for a flash,
Then fading in the wind,
The memory erased as soon as the next one comes.
*This is the first draft, it may change in the future. The form of the poems I write differ with the mood I'm in*
I was standing in my backyard, trying to catch a few fireworks from everyone else's yards. I think this is the first Independence Day in four years that I've stayed home with my family, and haven't had someone by my side as I watched some fireworks. I had some music playing, and the fireworks and my situation inspired me. I think I have a poem in me tonight, everyone.
Alone, in my backyard
Watching everyone else's festivities.
Alright with my situation on some days,
Incredibly lonely on others.
And I think of you, and the fantasies we entertained one night.
The ones of a beach, fireworks going off over our heads
As we made our own fireworks on the ground.
One of the few fantasies that stuck with me.
I want to see your fireworks.
I want to be the cause of them.
I want to see fireworks,
I want them caused by you.
Sparks have flown between us,
Helped by imaginations and distance.
But lately, they've seemed less like magnesium
And more like children's playthings.
I may have been acting like a child with you,
Wanting something, and getting frustrated when I can't get it.
The idea and anticipation may be more intriguing
Than actually having the object.
I want those fireworks.
I want a blaze in your eyes when you look at me,
I want the same excitement fireworks can give
To light in you when you're with me.
A question arises: Why?
Why do I want this so badly?
Am I feeling that lonely?
Or am I looking for something different?
And the biggest question of all:
Can I go through with it?
Because I'm afraid,
Afraid and concerned that
This will be like a firework,
Providing entertainment for a flash,
Then fading in the wind,
The memory erased as soon as the next one comes.
*This is the first draft, it may change in the future. The form of the poems I write differ with the mood I'm in*
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Forgive Me (64/90)
Found a swimsuit today. Woot woot!
I think I'm going to have to lay down with music playing and think for about 15 minutes before I start writing. I like the idea of getting back into bigger ideas, not simple trivialities of my daily life. Today I had the Spring Awakening soundtrack playing, and I was listening to "I Believe." One of the lines is "I believe all will be forgiven," and that's where today's post is heading.
I am, like a lot of people, able to forgive. I think I forgive too easily at times. But I never forget, and sometimes it's over trivial things, like an offhand comment. I know that a lot of people say that they forgive, but they never forget. But if you don't forget, then have you actually forgiven the person?
If you're keeping what they've done/said in the back of your mind, then you could easily use it against them either in an argument, or when you're appealing to them to do something for you. And then when you bring it up, the other person feels like you're not actually over it, and that they haven't actually been fully forgiven. And they may have a point to this.
If it's something that still angers or upsets you, even after you think you've forgiven them, then you probably haven't fully forgiven them. Yes, you've forgiven them enough to return to some state or normalcy, but things between you haven't been completely settled, and closure hasn't been reached yet.
If that's the case, then I probably haven't forgiven a lot of people for things they have done or said to me. That may actually be everyone in my life that I haven't forgiven. Or does it mean that whatever happened that sticks in your mind changed how you viewed the person? Because a lot of the things I have kept in the back of my mind have been hurtful, and have changed how I saw the person (and sometimes myself).
I feel like I've forgiven them. So have I not, or is my forgiveness not true forgiveness? Is it something that is done for the time being, in order to avoid more conflict? I believe that forgiveness is when someone has done something to you, and you can put it behind you and continue on with your lives. It doesn't get brought up often (if at all), and is something that they are remorseful about.
If that's the case, then I probably shouldn't have forgiven a few people, because they hadn't shown remorse for what they had said or done. But I give people countless chances to prove that they've changed, so that's forgiveness in there. Or blind hope. And sometimes I forgive people who don't even know that they've messed up, because they are silly things that I shouldn't let bother me.
And even if you say you've forgiven someone, and believe that you have, something will come up eventually to make you re-think that forgiveness, and you may find out that you haven't fully forgiven them. Those points in time can be horrible or wonderful, depending on the setting of the epiphanies. They stick with us, because sometimes people change if we do or don't forgive them.
I've probably forgiven too many people, too many times. Please don't give me a cause to have to forgive.
I think I'm going to have to lay down with music playing and think for about 15 minutes before I start writing. I like the idea of getting back into bigger ideas, not simple trivialities of my daily life. Today I had the Spring Awakening soundtrack playing, and I was listening to "I Believe." One of the lines is "I believe all will be forgiven," and that's where today's post is heading.
I am, like a lot of people, able to forgive. I think I forgive too easily at times. But I never forget, and sometimes it's over trivial things, like an offhand comment. I know that a lot of people say that they forgive, but they never forget. But if you don't forget, then have you actually forgiven the person?
If you're keeping what they've done/said in the back of your mind, then you could easily use it against them either in an argument, or when you're appealing to them to do something for you. And then when you bring it up, the other person feels like you're not actually over it, and that they haven't actually been fully forgiven. And they may have a point to this.
If it's something that still angers or upsets you, even after you think you've forgiven them, then you probably haven't fully forgiven them. Yes, you've forgiven them enough to return to some state or normalcy, but things between you haven't been completely settled, and closure hasn't been reached yet.
If that's the case, then I probably haven't forgiven a lot of people for things they have done or said to me. That may actually be everyone in my life that I haven't forgiven. Or does it mean that whatever happened that sticks in your mind changed how you viewed the person? Because a lot of the things I have kept in the back of my mind have been hurtful, and have changed how I saw the person (and sometimes myself).
I feel like I've forgiven them. So have I not, or is my forgiveness not true forgiveness? Is it something that is done for the time being, in order to avoid more conflict? I believe that forgiveness is when someone has done something to you, and you can put it behind you and continue on with your lives. It doesn't get brought up often (if at all), and is something that they are remorseful about.
If that's the case, then I probably shouldn't have forgiven a few people, because they hadn't shown remorse for what they had said or done. But I give people countless chances to prove that they've changed, so that's forgiveness in there. Or blind hope. And sometimes I forgive people who don't even know that they've messed up, because they are silly things that I shouldn't let bother me.
And even if you say you've forgiven someone, and believe that you have, something will come up eventually to make you re-think that forgiveness, and you may find out that you haven't fully forgiven them. Those points in time can be horrible or wonderful, depending on the setting of the epiphanies. They stick with us, because sometimes people change if we do or don't forgive them.
I've probably forgiven too many people, too many times. Please don't give me a cause to have to forgive.
Friday, July 2, 2010
Truly Madly Deeply (63/90)
I had delicious bagels with Margaret this morning.
For the past hour I've been deep in thought. Now that I don't have two people I'm angry at, I can focus on the matter at hand. Something that has to do with "Brian," because he looks like a Brian to some people. And I've come to a few conclusions about that, but that's not what tonight's post is about.
As I was thinking about that whole situation, I started playing with my necklace. I generally play with them when I'm deep in thought or nervous. It's my subconscious thing. And I remembered what I have on this necklace. It's one of those that has the ring and the words inscribed on it. This one says "TRUST" three times on each side. I originally got it because Dave said he was starting to trust me more. I added it to the necklace I already had, so that "LOVE" and "TRUST" were hanging side by side.
And after we broke up, I removed "LOVE," which was the original reason I got the necklace, so only "TRUST" was there. I didn't really think much about it. All I knew was that at that point I didn't want love and I had no other necklaces to wear. In my almost meditative state, I got to thinking about the words I wore closest to my heart.
I've been looking for love ever since I grasped the idea of "romantic love." I've been a hopeless romantic for as long as I can remember, and it's something that I've valued above everything else. I even valued love over the truth at times. It was staring me in the face, and I allowed love to overcome everything and get duped time and time again.
Look where it got me. I've been looking for love, and chosen people that, if love weren't my priority, I probably wouldn't have. I've fallen for people who didn't have enough room in their hearts to let me take up a permanent residence. I was renting their love out until someone better came along.
I'm not going out there looking for love anymore, because when I do I tend to neglect one of the most important aspects of love: Truth/Trust. Yes, I tell the truth when I'm in a relationship. Most of the time, it seems like I'm the only one who does. I think that finding someone I can trust will lead me to a better relationship than finding someone I can love. Because as I've seen, I have the capacity to love a lot of different people.
I don't, however, have the capacity to trust everyone lately. Nor have I ever been able to confide in someone I hardly know. I take two different approaches to love and trust, when they should probably have a similar approach. So now when I put on this necklace, it signals to me that I'm looking for trust now, and shouldn't give in as easily to anyone who seems lovable or trustworthy.
Which makes me wonder, what's going to happen now?
For the past hour I've been deep in thought. Now that I don't have two people I'm angry at, I can focus on the matter at hand. Something that has to do with "Brian," because he looks like a Brian to some people. And I've come to a few conclusions about that, but that's not what tonight's post is about.
As I was thinking about that whole situation, I started playing with my necklace. I generally play with them when I'm deep in thought or nervous. It's my subconscious thing. And I remembered what I have on this necklace. It's one of those that has the ring and the words inscribed on it. This one says "TRUST" three times on each side. I originally got it because Dave said he was starting to trust me more. I added it to the necklace I already had, so that "LOVE" and "TRUST" were hanging side by side.
And after we broke up, I removed "LOVE," which was the original reason I got the necklace, so only "TRUST" was there. I didn't really think much about it. All I knew was that at that point I didn't want love and I had no other necklaces to wear. In my almost meditative state, I got to thinking about the words I wore closest to my heart.
I've been looking for love ever since I grasped the idea of "romantic love." I've been a hopeless romantic for as long as I can remember, and it's something that I've valued above everything else. I even valued love over the truth at times. It was staring me in the face, and I allowed love to overcome everything and get duped time and time again.
Look where it got me. I've been looking for love, and chosen people that, if love weren't my priority, I probably wouldn't have. I've fallen for people who didn't have enough room in their hearts to let me take up a permanent residence. I was renting their love out until someone better came along.
I'm not going out there looking for love anymore, because when I do I tend to neglect one of the most important aspects of love: Truth/Trust. Yes, I tell the truth when I'm in a relationship. Most of the time, it seems like I'm the only one who does. I think that finding someone I can trust will lead me to a better relationship than finding someone I can love. Because as I've seen, I have the capacity to love a lot of different people.
I don't, however, have the capacity to trust everyone lately. Nor have I ever been able to confide in someone I hardly know. I take two different approaches to love and trust, when they should probably have a similar approach. So now when I put on this necklace, it signals to me that I'm looking for trust now, and shouldn't give in as easily to anyone who seems lovable or trustworthy.
Which makes me wonder, what's going to happen now?
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Meaning (62/90)
I hate not doing anything with my day.
I also hate this feeling. I've got nothing on my mind, I've had nothing on my mind, and I've got nothing in my queue of back-up topics. So I think I'll give my two cents on some age-old questions when I get stuck, like tonight. Tonight's question: what is the meaning of my life?
Yes, I know, I've just turned 21. That's an incredibly short amount of time to be on this planet, especially comparing it to how long I'd like to live for. A good chunk of it has been a trial-and-error period, which is still continuing. There have been many mistakes made, and repeated, because I was too silly to learn from them.
But now that I have, I look back upon them as tests, and lessons. I read somewhere that a mistake was just a lesson you hadn't learned yet. And that it was only a mistake if you hadn't learned from it. So I've learned from a lot of my mistakes, and they have been placed there to test me, and to shape me into who I am today.
They may also contribute to the meaning of my life, but I'm not sure. Most days it seems like I'm just here just to be here. It's probably much too early to be trying to figure out the meaning of my life as a whole, but I think at this age we can all figure out what the meaning of our lives is for this point in time. And since it's not coming to me off the top of my head, I'll have to work through my thoughts with you.
I am here for my family. It seems like the biggest thing I've done this summer is drive my brother to his various appointments without being asked. It's an assumed action, now. So at home I'm the person that makes sure he gets where he needs to go. I'm also the one who has to listen to my mother's ramblings about life as she sees it. And they come at any time she thinks them, no matter what you're doing or about to do.
To my friends - I'm not quite sure what I am to them. Sometimes I feel like I talk about my own life a lot more than they do about theirs. I've tried to change that, but some people just don't talk as much. I like to think that I offer good advice, but sometimes I don't know what to do or say. I guess mostly I'm just someone to talk to when they need it.
So I guess from combining the two, the meaning of my life thus far is to be available for someone to talk to/at. While I'm not disappointed in this at all, it does make me think about other people that I'm not someone just to talk to. I wonder why they've seeked me out at first, especially since they can read me incredibly well. I may ask them in a few days, if I'm still curious.
I've been someone to come and talk to for quite some time; I wonder if this will always be my meaning.
I also hate this feeling. I've got nothing on my mind, I've had nothing on my mind, and I've got nothing in my queue of back-up topics. So I think I'll give my two cents on some age-old questions when I get stuck, like tonight. Tonight's question: what is the meaning of my life?
Yes, I know, I've just turned 21. That's an incredibly short amount of time to be on this planet, especially comparing it to how long I'd like to live for. A good chunk of it has been a trial-and-error period, which is still continuing. There have been many mistakes made, and repeated, because I was too silly to learn from them.
But now that I have, I look back upon them as tests, and lessons. I read somewhere that a mistake was just a lesson you hadn't learned yet. And that it was only a mistake if you hadn't learned from it. So I've learned from a lot of my mistakes, and they have been placed there to test me, and to shape me into who I am today.
They may also contribute to the meaning of my life, but I'm not sure. Most days it seems like I'm just here just to be here. It's probably much too early to be trying to figure out the meaning of my life as a whole, but I think at this age we can all figure out what the meaning of our lives is for this point in time. And since it's not coming to me off the top of my head, I'll have to work through my thoughts with you.
I am here for my family. It seems like the biggest thing I've done this summer is drive my brother to his various appointments without being asked. It's an assumed action, now. So at home I'm the person that makes sure he gets where he needs to go. I'm also the one who has to listen to my mother's ramblings about life as she sees it. And they come at any time she thinks them, no matter what you're doing or about to do.
To my friends - I'm not quite sure what I am to them. Sometimes I feel like I talk about my own life a lot more than they do about theirs. I've tried to change that, but some people just don't talk as much. I like to think that I offer good advice, but sometimes I don't know what to do or say. I guess mostly I'm just someone to talk to when they need it.
So I guess from combining the two, the meaning of my life thus far is to be available for someone to talk to/at. While I'm not disappointed in this at all, it does make me think about other people that I'm not someone just to talk to. I wonder why they've seeked me out at first, especially since they can read me incredibly well. I may ask them in a few days, if I'm still curious.
I've been someone to come and talk to for quite some time; I wonder if this will always be my meaning.
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