Meaning (62/90)

I hate not doing anything with my day.

I also hate this feeling. I've got nothing on my mind, I've had nothing on my mind, and I've got nothing in my queue of back-up topics. So I think I'll give my two cents on some age-old questions when I get stuck, like tonight. Tonight's question: what is the meaning of my life?

Yes, I know, I've just turned 21. That's an incredibly short amount of time to be on this planet, especially comparing it to how long I'd like to live for. A good chunk of it has been a trial-and-error period, which is still continuing. There have been many mistakes made, and repeated, because I was too silly to learn from them.

But now that I have, I look back upon them as tests, and lessons. I read somewhere that a mistake was just a lesson you hadn't learned yet. And that it was only a mistake if you hadn't learned from it. So I've learned from a lot of my mistakes, and they have been placed there to test me, and to shape me into who I am today.

They may also contribute to the meaning of my life, but I'm not sure. Most days it seems like I'm just here just to be here. It's probably much too early to be trying to figure out the meaning of my life as a whole, but I think at this age we can all figure out what the meaning of our lives is for this point in time. And since it's not coming to me off the top of my head, I'll have to work through my thoughts with you.

I am here for my family. It seems like the biggest thing I've done this summer is drive my brother to his various appointments without being asked. It's an assumed action, now. So at home I'm the person that makes sure he gets where he needs to go. I'm also the one who has to listen to my mother's ramblings about life as she sees it. And they come at any time she thinks them, no matter what you're doing or about to do.

To my friends - I'm not quite sure what I am to them. Sometimes I feel like I talk about my own life a lot more than they do about theirs. I've tried to change that, but some people just don't talk as much. I like to think that I offer good advice, but sometimes I don't know what to do or say. I guess mostly I'm just someone to talk to when they need it.

So I guess from combining the two, the meaning of my life thus far is to be available for someone to talk to/at. While I'm not disappointed in this at all, it does make me think about other people that I'm not someone just to talk to. I wonder why they've seeked me out at first, especially since they can read me incredibly well. I may ask them in a few days, if I'm still curious.

I've been someone to come and talk to for quite some time; I wonder if this will always be my meaning.