Bigger Than My Body (26/90)

I'm afraid that my summer is going to be filled with me staring at some screen all day, trying not to go insane. No one's hiring. It's very frustrating.

One of the things I was watching today was Tyra Banks' talk show. The title of this episode intrigued me. It's called "Rock Your Ugly," so of course I had to go see what was going on. The part I started watching displayed three young women who were obsessed with perceived flaws on their faces: one with her hairline, one with scars on her face, and a third for looking too pale. They were placed in a storefront window, and had to stand there without hearing the comments on the other side of the glass. It got to be too much for one of the women, and she left the case.

Now, I think that's a bit extreme. I know I would be uncomfortable standing in a window, not being a model and all, and watch peoples' physical reactions without knowing what they were saying, and I aspire to model eventually. But that's not what I was really annoyed with. Tyra was in awe that these women were so obsessed by this one flaw they thought they had. And I agree, the woman who claimed to have noticeable scars on her face I couldn't see.

But by seeing the way they reacted in the glass case, and hearing them describe what their thoughts are, I started to think that they weren't just obsessing over this. I started to think that maybe they had body dysmorphic disorder. Now, I know I'm not anywhere near a skilled psychologist, but I have been doing my research on body dysmorphic disorder (BDD). I'd only heard about it recently, and Tyra's show originally aired November 25, 2008, according to TV.com.

So I was ready to give her the benefit of the doubt, because I had never heard of this disease until early 2010, if that. But then I decided to do a bit of research on BDD , and found out that it was identified as a psychological condition in 1987, according to Associated Content. So I started thinking about this, and how the producers could have done a bit of research to see if something like this existed.

I mean, it was just a matter of time before the bombardment of the ideal woman would end up leading to more psychological problems than eating disorders. And I feel like just a bit of research would have brought about some articles on the disorder. Then she wouldn't just be sitting on the show, parading these women about, saying that she found it "weird" that they thought this way, and that "she couldn't understand it." And then go to a commercial after her fun little experiment was done.

This isn't the first time I've thought that Tyra doesn't need to have a show. I've watched a few of the other episodes, and it just seems like she goes into it, gets a basic story, and then pushes her opinion on her viewers. I don't think it really has done anything for either the guests or those that watch the show, except give them something to do with their time.

But this isn't the first time I've thought that certain people shouldn't be doing certain things. For example, I should never be a chemist. But I know this, and stay away from it. Tyra shouldn't have a talk show, and it's ending, so it works out. Some people shouldn't be in college. It's just a fact. Some people can't handle it. Some people should not be in bikinis. Some people (Kristen Stewart) can't act.

Hm. I was going to expand on that last idea, but I think it's better suited for another day. So today I was just ranting at the lack of research behind certain talk shows and celebrities.

Play the Game (22/90)

Shopping was on the agenda today, and a lot of texting my friends. Sometimes I feel like my blogs are eerily like Carrie Bradshaw's columns, but that might just be me being conceited and wishful.

It's funny how money and competition drive us as people. Another guilty pleasure of my reality TV repertoire is The Real World/Road Rules Challenge. The one that's on now is Fresh Meat 2, and this one is so that the 30-somethings can slowly cycle out of competition, basically. There's a lot of drama, booze, and sex on the show, which is probably what makes it entertaining.

I like the challenges sometimes. They sound interesting and watching the attempts are amusing, since usually people don't always finish the challenges or figure out what they need to do in order to win. There's generally about a 15% success rate, I'd say. And then the underdog usually pulls it out.

Lately it's been getting rather redundant with the people who have been winning. I haven't seen this week's episode yet, though, and I think that something changed with it. But the competition isn't the reason why I watch it when I find out that there's a new season of the challenge. I've watched sporadically, so I know the personalities of a lot of the returning challenge members. And there's always someone who drinks too much and gets in trouble with their mouth.

There's always people who are attracted to each other, and get in a "relationship" that later makes them choose between their lover and their drive to win the prize money in the end. It makes for good TV, and good drama to watch. Not only that, but there's usually alliances formed very early in the game, and watching them grow and betray each other progresses the show.

But this past season Real World best friends ended up betraying each other. They have known each other for a few years, and one of the alliance leaders decided that for the good of the alliance he should throw his friend under the bus. It's amazing to me how quickly relationships can break down when there's a potential threat of not having an easy shot at winning $100,000.

We are amazingly greedy people, and this show exploits it. It shows us that we'll do almost anything for money. Hold our breaths in freezing cold water, betray friends, pretend to be interested in someone to further your chances. Basically we're willing to use people and exploit any means necessary to win $100,000 without doing much of anything.

And in the end, when the friend was sent home, he wasn't angry about his betrayal. He decided that it was just a game, and apparently at that time the game was more important than his friendship. Now, I'm pretty sure if that happened to me, best friend or just good friend, that I'd be pretty angry, especially if I went home.

Maybe the other people in this alliance will see that they're not safe either, and that the alliance will throw anyone in to save their own asses. Just like how everyone is willing to pin the blame on someone else if something starts going horribly wrong. And the game is going strong. These people still go back on the show, knowing that there's a good chance they'll get stabbed in the back and won't win this money. There's a good chance they'll expend all this energy and end up not winning anything.

But I guess the idea of winning $100,000 is more important for a few weeks than maintaining friendships. I hope I never get that way.

Another One Bites the Dust (10/90)

Today I went job hunting, watched Tough Love Couples, and went out to dinner with a friend. All of these made me think.

Tough Love Couples is a reality TV show. I understand that some, if not most, of it is an act. But it does raise some valid and interesting points. Mainly, though, it lets me feel better about myself. Because I would have the sense to get out before I had to go on TV to fix my relationship. Even if I loved him dearly. Some of these girls seem to have some sort of class, so I don't understand A) why they're on the show and B) why they're with some of these guys.

There's the stereotypical guido, Mario. He's also a musclehead who thinks with his muscles or his penis, not his brain. None of the guys are attractive. One of them spends more time on his hair then himself. One couple was engaged, but the guy called it off because he wasn't ready. And it seems like a big chunk of the problems these couples face are caused by the guys. The girls are the ones who brought them on the show.

This isn't a new trend, though. On all the guilty pleasure shows I watch where the couples are struggling, it seems like the women are the ones trying to work through it, and the guys either have no desire to change or don't realize that they're tools. And I'm seeing it reflected in all of my relationships as well.

I know I'm not perfect. I know I have things to work on. But even when the relationships were ended by the guy, we still had issues that were caused by him. This isn't me being bitter or anything. I can't get any of their opinions on things right now, so this is just my side of the story. PJ: dumped me because we were moving too fast. But he was the one who was making it that way. Among other problems that will stay in my brain for the night.
Nick: didn't really try to stay together. Pretty sure he was only in it for the physical.
Zack: was still in love with Kimmie. He didn't mature at the same rate as I did, and that caused communication problems. We're both stubborn.
Jose: was too immature. And we just weren't compatible (so this isn't really his fault)
Dave: wants a relationship from two, almost three years ago. Doesn't think that you have to work at love. Got to know me too well in seven months. And attributes a lot more to his depression than is warranted, and does nothing to help his depression.

And for me, in all these relationships: I've had jealousy issues, as I've mentioned before in other posts. I do get clingy if I think something's wrong and I can't fix it immediately. I have a temper. And I've lowered my expectations for all of them, so I get angry when they can't even fulfill the lowered expectations.

But I am the common factor in all these relationships. So am I just bad at relationships? Have I lowered my expectations too much? Or do I go for the wrong guy? I've been told I deserve better than all of these ex-boyfriends, so it could be that I, like the women on Tough Love Couples, go for the wrong guys. So why are we settling?

We love them. As stupid as they can be, as frustrating as our situations are, we still love them. And at least they have a chance to work through their problems, if their partners are willing. Mine just gave up once the love seemed less. I don't even know if we tried to work on anything. It doesn't seem that way from my end, but I may have forgotten. Unless we're talking about his depression. And his trust issues. So it really does go back to him.

It seems like I'm really not that different than these women on Tough Love Couples. Why did I settle? And why haven't I realized that I need to stop?