Today I went job hunting, watched Tough Love Couples, and went out to dinner with a friend. All of these made me think.
Tough Love Couples is a reality TV show. I understand that some, if not most, of it is an act. But it does raise some valid and interesting points. Mainly, though, it lets me feel better about myself. Because I would have the sense to get out before I had to go on TV to fix my relationship. Even if I loved him dearly. Some of these girls seem to have some sort of class, so I don't understand A) why they're on the show and B) why they're with some of these guys.
There's the stereotypical guido, Mario. He's also a musclehead who thinks with his muscles or his penis, not his brain. None of the guys are attractive. One of them spends more time on his hair then himself. One couple was engaged, but the guy called it off because he wasn't ready. And it seems like a big chunk of the problems these couples face are caused by the guys. The girls are the ones who brought them on the show.
This isn't a new trend, though. On all the guilty pleasure shows I watch where the couples are struggling, it seems like the women are the ones trying to work through it, and the guys either have no desire to change or don't realize that they're tools. And I'm seeing it reflected in all of my relationships as well.
I know I'm not perfect. I know I have things to work on. But even when the relationships were ended by the guy, we still had issues that were caused by him. This isn't me being bitter or anything. I can't get any of their opinions on things right now, so this is just my side of the story. PJ: dumped me because we were moving too fast. But he was the one who was making it that way. Among other problems that will stay in my brain for the night.
Nick: didn't really try to stay together. Pretty sure he was only in it for the physical.
Zack: was still in love with Kimmie. He didn't mature at the same rate as I did, and that caused communication problems. We're both stubborn.
Jose: was too immature. And we just weren't compatible (so this isn't really his fault)
Dave: wants a relationship from two, almost three years ago. Doesn't think that you have to work at love. Got to know me too well in seven months. And attributes a lot more to his depression than is warranted, and does nothing to help his depression.
And for me, in all these relationships: I've had jealousy issues, as I've mentioned before in other posts. I do get clingy if I think something's wrong and I can't fix it immediately. I have a temper. And I've lowered my expectations for all of them, so I get angry when they can't even fulfill the lowered expectations.
But I am the common factor in all these relationships. So am I just bad at relationships? Have I lowered my expectations too much? Or do I go for the wrong guy? I've been told I deserve better than all of these ex-boyfriends, so it could be that I, like the women on Tough Love Couples, go for the wrong guys. So why are we settling?
We love them. As stupid as they can be, as frustrating as our situations are, we still love them. And at least they have a chance to work through their problems, if their partners are willing. Mine just gave up once the love seemed less. I don't even know if we tried to work on anything. It doesn't seem that way from my end, but I may have forgotten. Unless we're talking about his depression. And his trust issues. So it really does go back to him.
It seems like I'm really not that different than these women on Tough Love Couples. Why did I settle? And why haven't I realized that I need to stop?
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