I saw Inception today, that's why this is a later than usual post.
Most of the people I know who had seen Inception said it was a "mindf*ck" and so amazing. Some said they sat at home to understand it afterwords. Some said they had to see it a few times to understand what happened in the movie. Everyone said it was such a good movie. The previews for it looked good. I really wanted to see it.
I understood the movie as it was going on, for the most part. I didn't think it was a "mindf*ck" or anything like that. I think it was a good movie that had an interesting plot and intriguing visuals. I thought the acting was good. But did I struggle to understand it? No. Might I have if I hadn't had the ending revealed? Possibly, if I had gone to see it alone. But if I had had a chance to discuss it, I'm sure I would have arrived to the same conclusions.
Now I'm not saying don't go see it. Do go, by all means. I enjoyed the movie. I'm just saying that it didn't meet my expectations based on peoples' reactions. People compared it to The Matrix. It might be because I saw The Matrix when I was about 14, but I struggled to understand that more than Inception.
It seems like movies Ellen Page is in that have a lot of hype surrounding it don't deliver as much as I expect. For example, I heard that Juno was an amazing movie that I had to see, so I did. And it was good. Nothing extraordinary. Not a movie I'd go home and rave about. The same with Inception. Law Abiding Citizen made me think more than Inception did; however, Law Abiding Citizen made me think about morals, not about what was happening on the screen.
One reason for this could be because I've had this thought before, in its most basic sense. When I was younger I thought that my whole life was the dream of a giant and that I'd eventually wake up as a giant and relive my dream. Inception takes place in dreams, with some knowing about the dreams, some not.
Obviously my 7 year old self couldn't imagine the different themes within Inception, so those were interesting to explore within the movie. As I've written before, I dream a lot. Sometimes I put a lot of stock in my dreams, sometimes not. But it's weird to think that you can decide to go into someone's dreams, and that someone will invite you into them.
All in all, I would definitely recommend you see the movie. Just for the experience.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
King of Pain (88/90)
I watched some movies tonight, that's why this is late.
I wish I could put what I'm thinking about down here, but I really can't. Not only are my thoughts moving too fast, but they're too complicated to easily explain. They also involve some people that I don't really feel like writing about. I'm just not sure what I want to write about tonight.
I have really bad joints. My knees crack every time I bend them past a 45 degree angle, and sometimes it's so loud everyone else turns to look. Every time I rotate my wrists, especially my left one, I hear it grinding on the bones. And I seem to quite easily sprain my ankles, even when bouncing around like normal. Right now I've got a sprained right ankle, and I'm not even sure how it happened this time.
I pull muscles a lot, and those hurt worse than all my joints, including the bit of pain I've got in my ankle right now. But then again, I've also pulled something in my shoulder/neck region in the past two hours, so that could explain some of it. I've broken my finger once, too. But none of these have really given me lasting pain. I'm not sure if that means I have a high pain tolerance, or if it means that I haven't been hurt a lot.
At least, hurt physically. It could be that because I've been hurt emotionally so many times that the physical pain seems minimal in comparison. Maybe I'm transferring the toughness and numbness I've learned to embrace from being emotionally hurt into my physical toughness.
Even now, I'm still hurting emotionally. I'm a mess, even if it doesn't really seem like it. I've just gotten much better at hiding it now than I did before. Just by looking at me, or talking to me, or reading my posts here you wouldn't know about it. Unless I decided to talk to you about it. And here's the thing: I don't want to talk to you about it, usually.
I think I'm hurting myself so that in the long run, I won't be able to be hurt again emotionally. No, I'm not doing anything. I'm just not giving in this time, as I have times before. Because I finally see how tough I can be. I finally see how much I can be hurt. I finally see that I don't deserve to be hurt like this anymore.
But it doesn't change the fact that I still want the cause of the pain.
I wish I could put what I'm thinking about down here, but I really can't. Not only are my thoughts moving too fast, but they're too complicated to easily explain. They also involve some people that I don't really feel like writing about. I'm just not sure what I want to write about tonight.
I have really bad joints. My knees crack every time I bend them past a 45 degree angle, and sometimes it's so loud everyone else turns to look. Every time I rotate my wrists, especially my left one, I hear it grinding on the bones. And I seem to quite easily sprain my ankles, even when bouncing around like normal. Right now I've got a sprained right ankle, and I'm not even sure how it happened this time.
I pull muscles a lot, and those hurt worse than all my joints, including the bit of pain I've got in my ankle right now. But then again, I've also pulled something in my shoulder/neck region in the past two hours, so that could explain some of it. I've broken my finger once, too. But none of these have really given me lasting pain. I'm not sure if that means I have a high pain tolerance, or if it means that I haven't been hurt a lot.
At least, hurt physically. It could be that because I've been hurt emotionally so many times that the physical pain seems minimal in comparison. Maybe I'm transferring the toughness and numbness I've learned to embrace from being emotionally hurt into my physical toughness.
Even now, I'm still hurting emotionally. I'm a mess, even if it doesn't really seem like it. I've just gotten much better at hiding it now than I did before. Just by looking at me, or talking to me, or reading my posts here you wouldn't know about it. Unless I decided to talk to you about it. And here's the thing: I don't want to talk to you about it, usually.
I think I'm hurting myself so that in the long run, I won't be able to be hurt again emotionally. No, I'm not doing anything. I'm just not giving in this time, as I have times before. Because I finally see how tough I can be. I finally see how much I can be hurt. I finally see that I don't deserve to be hurt like this anymore.
But it doesn't change the fact that I still want the cause of the pain.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Never Take Friendship Personal (87/90)
I went to Panera with some high school friends.
It was slightly awkward, I felt. I don't remember the last time we were all together like that. I think it may have been a year ago, and we didn't part on the best of terms. But that's not the point of tonight's blog. I hope that I can get through what I've been thinking about with enough material to make a complete post.
Everyone at the lakehouse was single, so I felt comfortable revealing something I've been thinking about for awhile. "Bros before hoes" or "chicks before dicks" is just a saying. I don't know of anyone who has successfully followed these sayings completely. Yes, people try to do so, but I really haven't seen it done.
I know I haven't been able to follow this. There have been times in all of my relationships when I could have stayed with my friends, and instead hung out with whoever I was dating at the time. I give up time that I could spend with my friends to be with the guy. I've done it at school, and I've done it at home. Over fall break I had Dave come visit for a day instead of making plans to see my friends at home.
But I know that if it came down to choosing between someone I was dating and my friends for something that had a greater impact on my life than watching a movie with one or the other, then I'd go with my friends. They've seen me at my worst and stuck around even when I was being silly with the boy. And I know others who have the same.
But sometimes that isn't enough. Sometimes we have to step back from the relationship and realize that we've been neglecting our friends. Sometimes time seems to have gone on so fast that we don't even realize it. Sometimes we get so caught up in love and lust that we get addicted to it, and because we can't get those feelings from our friends, we don't instantly think about them when trying to make plans.
So long as we include them in our conversations, and try and make an effort to talk to them when we're not going through a crisis, though, we can maintain these friendships. Even when they do something we don't agree on, and wouldn't do in the first place. We can only give so much advice and hint so many different ways until they realize what's going on. And depending on if they're dating a boy/girl or a man/woman can make it easier to maintain friendships.
I don't call the males my age men, because they still act like the boys they were in high school. They still have unrealistic expectations or immaturities to grow out of. Granted, I don't know many women my age either. We have more unrealistic expectations, though. I like to think that we're young women, or young ladies. We're not girls anymore. But they are boys still.
It may just be the ones that I know, but they really do only have a few things on their minds, and about 99% of them have sex as a big motivator on the brain. Not really getting to know the young lady, either. Basically if she's not horrible and looks good, he will try and sleep with her. I honestly can't wait until I can find one who doesn't want me solely for that. I hear that they turn into young men around age 25.
Four more years. I've already dated for four years. This seems a bit daunting.
It was slightly awkward, I felt. I don't remember the last time we were all together like that. I think it may have been a year ago, and we didn't part on the best of terms. But that's not the point of tonight's blog. I hope that I can get through what I've been thinking about with enough material to make a complete post.
Everyone at the lakehouse was single, so I felt comfortable revealing something I've been thinking about for awhile. "Bros before hoes" or "chicks before dicks" is just a saying. I don't know of anyone who has successfully followed these sayings completely. Yes, people try to do so, but I really haven't seen it done.
I know I haven't been able to follow this. There have been times in all of my relationships when I could have stayed with my friends, and instead hung out with whoever I was dating at the time. I give up time that I could spend with my friends to be with the guy. I've done it at school, and I've done it at home. Over fall break I had Dave come visit for a day instead of making plans to see my friends at home.
But I know that if it came down to choosing between someone I was dating and my friends for something that had a greater impact on my life than watching a movie with one or the other, then I'd go with my friends. They've seen me at my worst and stuck around even when I was being silly with the boy. And I know others who have the same.
But sometimes that isn't enough. Sometimes we have to step back from the relationship and realize that we've been neglecting our friends. Sometimes time seems to have gone on so fast that we don't even realize it. Sometimes we get so caught up in love and lust that we get addicted to it, and because we can't get those feelings from our friends, we don't instantly think about them when trying to make plans.
So long as we include them in our conversations, and try and make an effort to talk to them when we're not going through a crisis, though, we can maintain these friendships. Even when they do something we don't agree on, and wouldn't do in the first place. We can only give so much advice and hint so many different ways until they realize what's going on. And depending on if they're dating a boy/girl or a man/woman can make it easier to maintain friendships.
I don't call the males my age men, because they still act like the boys they were in high school. They still have unrealistic expectations or immaturities to grow out of. Granted, I don't know many women my age either. We have more unrealistic expectations, though. I like to think that we're young women, or young ladies. We're not girls anymore. But they are boys still.
It may just be the ones that I know, but they really do only have a few things on their minds, and about 99% of them have sex as a big motivator on the brain. Not really getting to know the young lady, either. Basically if she's not horrible and looks good, he will try and sleep with her. I honestly can't wait until I can find one who doesn't want me solely for that. I hear that they turn into young men around age 25.
Four more years. I've already dated for four years. This seems a bit daunting.
Art in Me (86/90)
So I decided not to write three posts in one day. Here's yesterday's post before I go out.
I have a Tumblr. Only one person I know in real life knows what my Tumblr name is and what I post on it. I like it that way. My Tumblr is so much more than this, because that's where I post short, two sentence thoughts, or long drawn out stories. It's where I can spam about Harry Potter and the failures of Twilight. It's where I can read other peoples' problems and know that I'm not alone. And it's where I post uncensored thoughts that are begging to get out.
But this isn't a post about my Tumblr, and it's not supposed to make you go out and join, or to find me on there. I follow someone on Tumblr that I've never met before, but is constantly posting Harry Potter related tidbits. Not only that, but she's going to art school and is my age. Lately she's been putting up her original drawings of either Harry Potter fanart, or of her own creations. And they're beautiful.
I wish I could draw or sculpt or paint. I wish I had a talent in the visual arts as well. I do love writing, truly, but there are times when I just can't find the words to convey my emotions or what I'm seeing in my mind, and I just want to get it out. There are times when words aren't enough. There are times when I want to affect someone in an instant, from a glimpse of a piece of art, instead of having them take their time to understand the beauty of my creation.
I used to think I could train myself to draw better, if I just kept drawing. I got a pretty nice drawing book when I was younger, and there are some drawings in there. But mostly it was a sort of secret diary that didn't look like one. It was the place where I wrote acrostic poems and played MASH. The place where I did my own love calculator and hid the notes I wrote to my friends in class. Eventually I tried to draw in it, and it didn't go so well.
I took drawing classes in elementary and middle school. We had to take art, and that's where I learned how to make clay pots. I think there might be a few around the house still. But they were two attempts, and I didn't get to follow through with them. I know that if I tried to take a drawing class right now, I'd probably fail. Most of the people in them are art/animation majors, and here I am, not knowing how to accurately draw or sketch anything.
I've been thinking about trying to take the fashion illustration class, which could combine two of my interests. I think that it's open to everyone, even though I'd probably fail that as well. But it's something that might come in handy down the line. I'm thinking of eventually trying to help collaborate in a fashion line when I'm older. Trying to produce clothes to fit every body type, including mine. My own struggles to find clothes are what has inspired this desire.
But to do that, I need to be able to design what I have in my mind. I need to take some sort of drawing class, even if I do fail. Because even if I can't execute what they tell me to in the time required, I'm sure that I could pick up on certain things eventually that would help me down the line. I may not progress very quickly and to the standard that the college world has come to expect, but at least I'd be learning for my own purposes.
And maybe I could do well.
I have a Tumblr. Only one person I know in real life knows what my Tumblr name is and what I post on it. I like it that way. My Tumblr is so much more than this, because that's where I post short, two sentence thoughts, or long drawn out stories. It's where I can spam about Harry Potter and the failures of Twilight. It's where I can read other peoples' problems and know that I'm not alone. And it's where I post uncensored thoughts that are begging to get out.
But this isn't a post about my Tumblr, and it's not supposed to make you go out and join, or to find me on there. I follow someone on Tumblr that I've never met before, but is constantly posting Harry Potter related tidbits. Not only that, but she's going to art school and is my age. Lately she's been putting up her original drawings of either Harry Potter fanart, or of her own creations. And they're beautiful.
I wish I could draw or sculpt or paint. I wish I had a talent in the visual arts as well. I do love writing, truly, but there are times when I just can't find the words to convey my emotions or what I'm seeing in my mind, and I just want to get it out. There are times when words aren't enough. There are times when I want to affect someone in an instant, from a glimpse of a piece of art, instead of having them take their time to understand the beauty of my creation.
I used to think I could train myself to draw better, if I just kept drawing. I got a pretty nice drawing book when I was younger, and there are some drawings in there. But mostly it was a sort of secret diary that didn't look like one. It was the place where I wrote acrostic poems and played MASH. The place where I did my own love calculator and hid the notes I wrote to my friends in class. Eventually I tried to draw in it, and it didn't go so well.
I took drawing classes in elementary and middle school. We had to take art, and that's where I learned how to make clay pots. I think there might be a few around the house still. But they were two attempts, and I didn't get to follow through with them. I know that if I tried to take a drawing class right now, I'd probably fail. Most of the people in them are art/animation majors, and here I am, not knowing how to accurately draw or sketch anything.
I've been thinking about trying to take the fashion illustration class, which could combine two of my interests. I think that it's open to everyone, even though I'd probably fail that as well. But it's something that might come in handy down the line. I'm thinking of eventually trying to help collaborate in a fashion line when I'm older. Trying to produce clothes to fit every body type, including mine. My own struggles to find clothes are what has inspired this desire.
But to do that, I need to be able to design what I have in my mind. I need to take some sort of drawing class, even if I do fail. Because even if I can't execute what they tell me to in the time required, I'm sure that I could pick up on certain things eventually that would help me down the line. I may not progress very quickly and to the standard that the college world has come to expect, but at least I'd be learning for my own purposes.
And maybe I could do well.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
This Week the Trend (85/90)
Catch up post #2. I haven't decided if I'll get them all done tonight or not.
It seems like there are a lot of trends happening right now in the music and movie industries. I've thought about it before, but never had enough observations or examples to write a full-fledged post on. We got to talking about the music trends on the way back today, so that's why I decided to try to point them out.
Being so close to Chicago, we usually get the newest songs released on the radio, and a lot of our generation is interested in listening to R&B, hip-hop, and pop. It seems like lately in the hip-hop world that it's a good idea to collaborate with someone. Not just anyone, but with someone from the pop world. The hits that I hear hourly, sometimes twice or three times, are "Airplanes" by B.o.B. featuring Haley Williams from Paramore, "Love the Way You Lie" by Eminem featuring Rihanna, and earlier "Break Your Heart" by Taio Cruz featuring Ludacris.
I'm sure there are more, but these are the ones that are the forerunners for some of the other singles that are coming out. Enrique Iglesias just released a single where he collaborated with Pitbull. Most of these collaborations are with people you wouldn't really expect to get together and record something. Granted, Timbaland has been on a lot of peoples' tracks, but usually it's a small part. I guess he was the one who originally started the idea for this generation's collaborations trend.
Lately we've also been getting back to throwing your hands up in the air. "Dynamite" by Taio Cruz has people throwing their hands up in the air and saying "ayo." DJ Khaled sings about how every time he "goes up in a building everybody's hands go up and they stay there/ Up down up down up down" in "All I Do is Win." In "DJ Got Us Falling In Love" by Usher he sings about "Hands up, and suddenly we all got our hands up." I don't know why throwing hands up is suddenly coming back. We used to laugh at people who danced with their hands up only all the time. Maybe it's because of the fist pump popularized by Jersey Shore.
Those are just the songs. I've been noticing a growing trend in movies as well. It seems like about 90% of the things that are being released in theaters are either remakes or based on books. They've been talking about remaking a lot of movies lately; the Halloween movies, Nightmare on Elm Street, Friday the 13th, Fame, Alice in Wonderland, The Karate Kid, just from the last two years. The Last Airbender is a remake, as well.
There have been so many book to movie releases now: Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, Eragon, The Lovely Bones, Dear John, Twilight, Ramona and Beezus, Angels and Demons, and Eat, Pray, Love, just to name a few from the past few years. There are a few that I don't mind seeing on the big screen; in fact, there are a few times when I'm interested in reading the book based on the trailer, and sometimes even the movie itself.
But the point of this is that it seems like Hollywood doesn't really seem to have a lot of new material to produce, and I'd like to hear about new movies coming out that have new ideas. It feels like at least once a month there is a movie that's either based on a book or a remake for the past year, at the very least. That's when I noticed the growing trend. But I guess we've finally produced so many movies that there's no new ideas.
As I was writing "Love the Way You Lie" and "Airplanes" came on the radio. I don't really have much to say about the musical trend there, because it seems like a lot of people are liking these collaborations. Personally, I like the idea because it brings in a whole new group of listeners. I like the way the rap sounds against the singing, and the two different voices when they overlap. I like mixing two different genres, especially when there are powerful lyrics, or music that you wouldn't normally associate with rap.
I could do with a little less throwing hands up, though.
It seems like there are a lot of trends happening right now in the music and movie industries. I've thought about it before, but never had enough observations or examples to write a full-fledged post on. We got to talking about the music trends on the way back today, so that's why I decided to try to point them out.
Being so close to Chicago, we usually get the newest songs released on the radio, and a lot of our generation is interested in listening to R&B, hip-hop, and pop. It seems like lately in the hip-hop world that it's a good idea to collaborate with someone. Not just anyone, but with someone from the pop world. The hits that I hear hourly, sometimes twice or three times, are "Airplanes" by B.o.B. featuring Haley Williams from Paramore, "Love the Way You Lie" by Eminem featuring Rihanna, and earlier "Break Your Heart" by Taio Cruz featuring Ludacris.
I'm sure there are more, but these are the ones that are the forerunners for some of the other singles that are coming out. Enrique Iglesias just released a single where he collaborated with Pitbull. Most of these collaborations are with people you wouldn't really expect to get together and record something. Granted, Timbaland has been on a lot of peoples' tracks, but usually it's a small part. I guess he was the one who originally started the idea for this generation's collaborations trend.
Lately we've also been getting back to throwing your hands up in the air. "Dynamite" by Taio Cruz has people throwing their hands up in the air and saying "ayo." DJ Khaled sings about how every time he "goes up in a building everybody's hands go up and they stay there/ Up down up down up down" in "All I Do is Win." In "DJ Got Us Falling In Love" by Usher he sings about "Hands up, and suddenly we all got our hands up." I don't know why throwing hands up is suddenly coming back. We used to laugh at people who danced with their hands up only all the time. Maybe it's because of the fist pump popularized by Jersey Shore.
Those are just the songs. I've been noticing a growing trend in movies as well. It seems like about 90% of the things that are being released in theaters are either remakes or based on books. They've been talking about remaking a lot of movies lately; the Halloween movies, Nightmare on Elm Street, Friday the 13th, Fame, Alice in Wonderland, The Karate Kid, just from the last two years. The Last Airbender is a remake, as well.
There have been so many book to movie releases now: Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, Eragon, The Lovely Bones, Dear John, Twilight, Ramona and Beezus, Angels and Demons, and Eat, Pray, Love, just to name a few from the past few years. There are a few that I don't mind seeing on the big screen; in fact, there are a few times when I'm interested in reading the book based on the trailer, and sometimes even the movie itself.
But the point of this is that it seems like Hollywood doesn't really seem to have a lot of new material to produce, and I'd like to hear about new movies coming out that have new ideas. It feels like at least once a month there is a movie that's either based on a book or a remake for the past year, at the very least. That's when I noticed the growing trend. But I guess we've finally produced so many movies that there's no new ideas.
As I was writing "Love the Way You Lie" and "Airplanes" came on the radio. I don't really have much to say about the musical trend there, because it seems like a lot of people are liking these collaborations. Personally, I like the idea because it brings in a whole new group of listeners. I like the way the rap sounds against the singing, and the two different voices when they overlap. I like mixing two different genres, especially when there are powerful lyrics, or music that you wouldn't normally associate with rap.
I could do with a little less throwing hands up, though.
Relax, Take it Easy (84/90)
I was at a lakehouse all weekend. I tried to write, but didn't end up finding time.
That's another thing that I want to put on my bucket list: owning a lakehouse. Not just owning one, but also owning a boat to go out on the lake with, and possibly a jet ski to go riding around on when I felt like it. I want to have an escape for a few days when I need it desperately. Anna's lakehouse has one TV and no phone. When you go up there, you're either on the lake, eating, or around the campfire, surrounded by people.
This weekend was exactly what I needed. I needed the escape from life's trivialities to get my head back on straight and let loose some of the restless energy I've had all summer from a lack of a job and, consequently, money. I needed to be with people who I trusted not only to keep what I told them to themselves, but also not to judge me for whatever I had on my mind.
It was the Disney Group I went with. We've done this every summer since we've met, meaning that this year we were in the same levels of schooling as when we first met. It's almost weird for us to think about being friends for four years, and going to this every year for a weekend to relax.
Not only that, but the fact that one weekend away can do so much to relax a person. Away from all the stressors of everyday life. Away from the family that expects everything from you. Away from technology that always keeps you connected to the outside world. Away from the addiction we have to know everything about everyone's every move. Away from anything required of you. Away for not even 72 hours.
And while I am sore, I am also relaxed and have had a chance to get a firmer grip on life. I've had some insights, not only through thinking of them while watching everyone go tubing, but also through the discussions we had. We didn't have a chance to have very long fireside chats, because the storms that were threatening daily moved in at night, getting everything wet. We managed one night before we had to go in, and not everyone was around for it.
Just taking a step back from things and going away on your own might be one of the best ways to gain perspective on your life. But that return to reality is one that's not the most enjoyable. After going at your own pace and doing whatever you felt, having to come back to a routine and follow the rules of society is my least favorite part.
Even though I'm sore from all that we did, I wish we could have stayed for longer. I enjoy my trips away from reality far too much.
That's another thing that I want to put on my bucket list: owning a lakehouse. Not just owning one, but also owning a boat to go out on the lake with, and possibly a jet ski to go riding around on when I felt like it. I want to have an escape for a few days when I need it desperately. Anna's lakehouse has one TV and no phone. When you go up there, you're either on the lake, eating, or around the campfire, surrounded by people.
This weekend was exactly what I needed. I needed the escape from life's trivialities to get my head back on straight and let loose some of the restless energy I've had all summer from a lack of a job and, consequently, money. I needed to be with people who I trusted not only to keep what I told them to themselves, but also not to judge me for whatever I had on my mind.
It was the Disney Group I went with. We've done this every summer since we've met, meaning that this year we were in the same levels of schooling as when we first met. It's almost weird for us to think about being friends for four years, and going to this every year for a weekend to relax.
Not only that, but the fact that one weekend away can do so much to relax a person. Away from all the stressors of everyday life. Away from the family that expects everything from you. Away from technology that always keeps you connected to the outside world. Away from the addiction we have to know everything about everyone's every move. Away from anything required of you. Away for not even 72 hours.
And while I am sore, I am also relaxed and have had a chance to get a firmer grip on life. I've had some insights, not only through thinking of them while watching everyone go tubing, but also through the discussions we had. We didn't have a chance to have very long fireside chats, because the storms that were threatening daily moved in at night, getting everything wet. We managed one night before we had to go in, and not everyone was around for it.
Just taking a step back from things and going away on your own might be one of the best ways to gain perspective on your life. But that return to reality is one that's not the most enjoyable. After going at your own pace and doing whatever you felt, having to come back to a routine and follow the rules of society is my least favorite part.
Even though I'm sore from all that we did, I wish we could have stayed for longer. I enjoy my trips away from reality far too much.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Heart of Lilith (83/90)
I finally saw Toy Story 3 today.
I'm writing this earlier than usual, because I'm avoiding something. I'm avoiding writing in the story that I started last night. For the past few days I've seen a girl in my mind. I couldn't tell what age she was; I couldn't tell what her name was; the only things I could see were her dark brown hair and how she held herself. She looked, from the back, as if she had been broken and was barely holding on.
When I finally sat down to write her, I could see more aspects about her: her eyes, her name, and why she was broken. Lilith, with haunted gray eyes, was asking me to tell her story. And as I wrote more about her, I could see more of her in my mind emerging. She is no older than 25, but no younger than 20; she has olive colored skin that has been marred by bruises. Her swollen lip trembled as her story took shape in my mind and flowed through my fingers.
And then I knew what had happened to her, and I knew that last night I couldn't write it. So I extended her story, the set up for what was to come, as much as I could. I was already exhausted when I gave in and started writing for her, and I knew I couldn't deal with it last night. I also knew that I had to get through it today, otherwise it would bother me all weekend. With no access to my computer, and little free time anticipated, this needs to happen today.
But all day I've been doing things to avoid writing it, pushing it later and later, so I won't have to face her demon. So I don't have to make Lilith re-live it, and so I don't have to experience it. But when I turn inwardly, I can see her standing there, gray eyes swimming, waiting for me to write it out. She doesn't want to re-live it either, but we both know it has to be done.
This is the first time I've had a character in my head. Usually I have concepts when I want to write, or a story to tell. Usually as I'm writing my story, the characters slowly emerge, and don't hang around once I step away from the story. Usually I focus more on events than on details when writing. But Lilith is not typical. Lilith has started to take over my mind.
I hope that after I get through this, she can let me enjoy my weekend at the lake. Mainly since I won't have much alone time, and I'll be using that alone time to keep writing for this blog. I'll be surrounded by people that love me because they want to, and in nature, so hopefully it will inspire something great to come out.
But I guess now I don't have any other distractions, so I should start to tell Lilith's story.
I'm writing this earlier than usual, because I'm avoiding something. I'm avoiding writing in the story that I started last night. For the past few days I've seen a girl in my mind. I couldn't tell what age she was; I couldn't tell what her name was; the only things I could see were her dark brown hair and how she held herself. She looked, from the back, as if she had been broken and was barely holding on.
When I finally sat down to write her, I could see more aspects about her: her eyes, her name, and why she was broken. Lilith, with haunted gray eyes, was asking me to tell her story. And as I wrote more about her, I could see more of her in my mind emerging. She is no older than 25, but no younger than 20; she has olive colored skin that has been marred by bruises. Her swollen lip trembled as her story took shape in my mind and flowed through my fingers.
And then I knew what had happened to her, and I knew that last night I couldn't write it. So I extended her story, the set up for what was to come, as much as I could. I was already exhausted when I gave in and started writing for her, and I knew I couldn't deal with it last night. I also knew that I had to get through it today, otherwise it would bother me all weekend. With no access to my computer, and little free time anticipated, this needs to happen today.
But all day I've been doing things to avoid writing it, pushing it later and later, so I won't have to face her demon. So I don't have to make Lilith re-live it, and so I don't have to experience it. But when I turn inwardly, I can see her standing there, gray eyes swimming, waiting for me to write it out. She doesn't want to re-live it either, but we both know it has to be done.
This is the first time I've had a character in my head. Usually I have concepts when I want to write, or a story to tell. Usually as I'm writing my story, the characters slowly emerge, and don't hang around once I step away from the story. Usually I focus more on events than on details when writing. But Lilith is not typical. Lilith has started to take over my mind.
I hope that after I get through this, she can let me enjoy my weekend at the lake. Mainly since I won't have much alone time, and I'll be using that alone time to keep writing for this blog. I'll be surrounded by people that love me because they want to, and in nature, so hopefully it will inspire something great to come out.
But I guess now I don't have any other distractions, so I should start to tell Lilith's story.
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