Heart of Lilith (83/90)

I finally saw Toy Story 3 today.

I'm writing this earlier than usual, because I'm avoiding something. I'm avoiding writing in the story that I started last night. For the past few days I've seen a girl in my mind. I couldn't tell what age she was; I couldn't tell what her name was; the only things I could see were her dark brown hair and how she held herself. She looked, from the back, as if she had been broken and was barely holding on.

When I finally sat down to write her, I could see more aspects about her: her eyes, her name, and why she was broken. Lilith, with haunted gray eyes, was asking me to tell her story. And as I wrote more about her, I could see more of her in my mind emerging. She is no older than 25, but no younger than 20; she has olive colored skin that has been marred by bruises. Her swollen lip trembled as her story took shape in my mind and flowed through my fingers.

And then I knew what had happened to her, and I knew that last night I couldn't write it. So I extended her story, the set up for what was to come, as much as I could. I was already exhausted when I gave in and started writing for her, and I knew I couldn't deal with it last night. I also knew that I had to get through it today, otherwise it would bother me all weekend. With no access to my computer, and little free time anticipated, this needs to happen today.

But all day I've been doing things to avoid writing it, pushing it later and later, so I won't have to face her demon. So I don't have to make Lilith re-live it, and so I don't have to experience it. But when I turn inwardly, I can see her standing there, gray eyes swimming, waiting for me to write it out. She doesn't want to re-live it either, but we both know it has to be done.

This is the first time I've had a character in my head. Usually I have concepts when I want to write, or a story to tell. Usually as I'm writing my story, the characters slowly emerge, and don't hang around once I step away from the story. Usually I focus more on events than on details when writing. But Lilith is not typical. Lilith has started to take over my mind.

I hope that after I get through this, she can let me enjoy my weekend at the lake. Mainly since I won't have much alone time, and I'll be using that alone time to keep writing for this blog. I'll be surrounded by people that love me because they want to, and in nature, so hopefully it will inspire something great to come out.

But I guess now I don't have any other distractions, so I should start to tell Lilith's story.