Your Urge (76/90)

We spent about three hours at the beach today. I traveled for about five hours. I haven't done much but sleep and be lazy.

When we got to the beach, I didn't know what to do. I had slept for the ride down, so I couldn't sleep any more. I had a book I tried to read last summer, but my parents kept interrupting me with mundane beach conversation. So I laid on a towel on the beach and plugged my iPod in. I was going to try to write, but nothing was coming out. I just laid down and thought about the music I was listening to.

Usually before I go somewhere or about halfway through the month I try to get a new CD from iTunes. Last night I bought Colbie Caillait's album, Breakthrough. Most of her songs were about the love that she was struggling to be with, or about the break up that was inevitable or just passed. And I just listened to those. I paid attention to the lyrics, but they didn't really mean anything to me.

And then tonight, while my family was huddled around the TV as usual, I started to erase some pictures on my camera, since we're supposed to be taking pictures. I only deleted pictures that were before Spring semester, but imagine my surprise when I realized that a lot of them had Dave in them. And then, even more surprising was the sadness that seemed to settle over me.

So to counter it, I started a conversation with one of my friends who is in a similar situation as I am. Distract myself from one potential problem with another one that was coming to a head sooner rather than later, as I previously expected. And that was the time that I wanted to write. I didn't realize it until now. I tried to talk to people to distract myself from the pull I was feeling to write.

I haven't felt the urge to write for awhile. I did have that poem, but it really was just about fireworks. I had been throwing around ideas about seeing fireworks in my head the week up to that poem. But before that, I can't remember. Writing just to get everything out, not because I have to with this, or because I should with my seven deadly sins idea.

But it's left me now. Now, I'm not sure where this post is going, and whether it's ending soon. This might just be a meaningless post, because I've already written something today on little sleep, and I'm trying to do it again. But I have learned my lesson, not to write when I'm tired. Usually it comes out the way I speak when I'm tired.

Slightly amusing, but overall a waste.