Why Worry (78/90)

Traveled, sat at the beach some more, and saw some family.

I've had a lot of time to think today, since I've done nothing with my time. But it was a lot of passing thoughts, none of which I could really write a complete entry on. And I feel compelled to write a nice entry tonight, since last night's really wasn't up to par.

I've noticed something before, but never really thought about why I do it. I'm someone who always needs a situation to worry about, no matter how trivial it actually is. I can take a simple situation and blow it out of proportion just from thinking about it too much. And a good part of the time, whatever I'm thinking about really isn't something that deserves that much thought.

I think I just need to have something to think about. I'm not content unless I have something to worry about. I worried about what was going to happen over the summer in regards to college relationships months before the summer holidays, and about seemingly innocent sentences I've heard around my house. I'm a worrier, I know, but sometimes it's a bit ridiculous.

This vacation hasn't been any different. In fact, it's one thing about myself that I haven't attempted to change. It's something that keeps me sane and gives me something to do with my downtime. It's something that I can bring up in conversation with my friends when it seems like we've run out of things to talk about. It's something that will stick with me until I find something else to worry about.

I don't really mind it, in the long run. That's probably why I haven't tried to improve on it. But it's funny to think about, since that's all I've been doing. I've had this single situation to worry about since the end of May, and it seems like I'll have to make a concrete decision and follow through with it in about a month. I'm not sure if I want to let go of the worry yet, because I haven't found something else to replace it with.

I've got some smaller situations that have been at the back of my mind, but they really don't have much of an impact on my life as much as the situation does. So I can't cycle them to the front of my mind as the major situation I have to deal with, worry about, and stress over. I'm not sure what I'll do once this thing comes to a head, because I haven't got a clue what my new worry's going to be. But maybe that's a good thing. Maybe I'll be able to have a few days without any worries, and learn how to just live without being scared of consequences.

More than likely I'll end up finding something to worry about from that situation, though.