The Guilty Ones (47/90)

I am going to go crazy in my own house before the end of the summer, because I'm not doing anything with my days still.

I'm watching Criminal Minds right now. It's an old one, and they are interviewing a lady who is going to be executed because they believe she killed her son, and helped kill 12 other girls with a sexual psychopath. She just said, "We're all guilty of something." And it's getting hard to not focus on what's going on in the show. I, like a lot of other people, it seems, am quite fascinated by the criminal mind.

There was a point in time when I wanted to be a part of the BAU (Behavioral Analysis Unit). I know that these shows exaggerate what actually goes on to keep audiences interested, but I've had an interest in learning about the mind. I considered going into psychology at school, to do something like this. But after thinking about it, I realized that I may not want to deal with psychopaths and sociopaths all day, every day. There are some episodes when my faith in humanity has gotten even lower, and I can't imagine doing that all day. That, and the fact that they only take about 40 people on their team.

But they always have good quotes on the show. They start and end with a quote that makes audiences think about the episode, and how it impacts them in the long run. And tonight's quote that's gotten me thinking is about how everyone is guilty of something. I think it's true; even the seemingly most innocent people have something to hide, something they've done.

Maybe it's nothing too big, like lying to a friend about their outfit or their career choice. Maybe it's a bit bigger, like knowing when something bad is going on. But all of us are guilty of something. I've never known someone who doesn't have something in their past they've done that they aren't proud of. No one's led a flawless life. I know someone who likes to think that they're completely guilt-free, but I'm sure there's something in his past that he's guilty of.

And then there are people who feel guilty for no reason, like the woman on the show. She didn't kill any of the people they say she did, as it turns out. But since she didn't do anything to stop her husband, she feels like she has something to be guilty for. That's the way that guilt usually works.

Guilt is a funny thing. I really don't understand how it works. It's something that's in us that makes us realize that what we've done is wrong. And it seems like lately, some people don't understand that things they've done would normally make someone feel guilty. But we have similar moral codes on everything else, so I don't understand why we differ on this.

I guess some people feel more guilty than others, or have different magnitudes of guilt. Or maybe some people just ignore their feelings, or hide them. But I think that showing the guilt for something you've done would be more appreciated than hiding it. For some reason hiding things is seen as a "manly" trait, and honestly, I'd appreciate it if you told me you f*cked up. Because then at least I have some sort of understanding on the situation. And then I can try and retain some sort of dignity after being led on these past few weeks.

But no one can ever own up to their mistakes, and it frustrates me.