Invisible Kid (38/90)

Today I worked out, went to McDonald's with a friend, and then ran errands for my parents. All the while silently spazzing out, thinking that I may have unintentionally done something stupid.

Turns out I haven't. Yay! But I don't know what tonight's post is going to be about. I haven't come across anything that made me stop and think in Chamber of Secrets today, because I haven't really had time to read. But when I was trying to read today my mom had on a TV show talking about families and the differences with them. It was children talking about adoption and their families, and how everyone integrated into the family.

And my mom was on the phone with my dad, who is currently living with his mother because his job transferred him out there. He told me earlier to call my grandmother because it was her birthday, instead of just handing her the phone. Because it means more if I call out of the blue. So does it mean nothing because she didn't call me on my birthday? Or maybe that she sent my brother something for his birthday and not me?

It's not like I'm really upset that she hasn't said anything to me or sent anything to me. She probably doesn't remember, and that's understandable. But the thing is that my dad expects a lot from me, and almost nothing from my brother. I understand that he's going through a tough time, and that I've never admitted any problems to my parents. And if this were the first time something like this happened, it wouldn't bug me as much.

But I've always been treated differently than my brother. I'm adopted by my dad; my brother's his biological child. It seems like he always gets what he wants, even if "we don't have the funds for it." And when I ask for something that's roughly the same price, I don't get it. I had been asking for a new saxophone for a few years, and that's an investment in my schooling. I still only have that beginner sax. My brother, on the other hand, has three electric guitars, and as we know, guitar is not in school bands.

I've always known that some of the things I really want are out of the family budget, and generally don't ask for them. But if my brother wants something that's upwards of $400 (like the PS3 he got for Christmas), you better believe that he'll get it in a year or less. Me, I'll have something on my list, and won't hear about it, besides for how ridiculously expensive it is. Even after doing research and expressing my interest in one of few things I have wanted, it won't ever see the light of day again.

It gets frustrating after awhile. Especially when it's been happening for upwards of ten years, and he still doesn't realize it. I think the most expensive thing that he's gotten me is a stereo system. One that I didn't even really want or ask for.The next expensive thing? One of the dresses I got for a high school dance. But I guess this laptop counts as something he bought for me, even though I paid for it and he paid me back? And it's something of a necessity for college.

But does it count when my brother could have gotten one as well, instead of one of his guitars, since they are the same price? And when he also got one for his other daughter because she too was going to college? I guess that's why I forgot about it.

I wasn't intending this to be a rant about all the inequalities that are in my house. It was more to make a point that even if you claim you don't treat your children differently, we can see it better than you can. And I know that he's still my dad, even if he's not my biological dad. But sometimes, when things like those written above happen, it seems to the adopted child that maybe you don't love us as much as you love your biological child.

But at least he's seen that in at least once instance there's been a bit of an inequality. I was talking to him about new cameras, as previously written about, and a commercial came on of the new Olympus Pen. Instantly, I knew that it was the camera I wanted. I researched it and other cameras, and showed them to my dad. And when I told him I wanted the camera, but knew I wouldn't be able to get it soon since the model I wanted was about $700, he brought up the fact that maybe he could get it for me. After all, they had just bought my brother a guitar that cost the same.

So at least it's progress. And that's all I ask for.