Today I laid around, then went to dinner with a friend.
I really haven't had much on my mind today. Of course, after I blog last night about not foreseeing any issues with coming up with something to write about, I hit a brick wall. I don't really feel like pulling from my bank of saved ideas, either. It's not my fault that most of my thoughts today concerned one person, and whether I'd get to talk to him today (which I haven't had a chance to do). And in doing so, I've started to analyze myself.
Nothing really deep. It's purely superficial. But I'm also going to the beach in less than a month, so I think it would be amazing if I could either hit my goal weight by then, or have some definite tone in my body. And I haven't really been keeping up with weighing myself very often, and have no concrete numbers to base my improvement off of. But I think I do better without numbers. I only have what I have from the end of the school year, and I've already seen improvements with those.
But I think the thing that I most want to see, and am beginning to see, are physical results. I did a Jillian Michaels work out today (she's pretty intense for those of us who aren't athletes), and I worked up a disgusting sweat. I had sweat dripping into my ears. I admit, I had to stop a few times, but after I got out of the shower, I wasn't really too sore. Those kind of results are some of the ones I take pride in.
And then, when I was getting out of the shower, I noticed that I can actually see some muscles starting to develop. That got me excited. Not only could I see them in my obliques, but I could also see it in my arms and shoulders, and even a bit on my thighs. I got dressed today, and my pants fit me a lot better than they have in awhile. And when I took a nap out of sheer boredom today, after pushing distracting thoughts from my mind for a few minutes, I got to thinking.
I've been walking around differently. I've started doing it unconsciously, and when I notice I'm doing it I try and stop. But I've been standing taller and swinging my hips as I walk. And since it's an unconscious thing, I guess that means that I've started to take pride in how I look, and just haven't realized it yet?
I think having something to work towards is good for me. Somehow a concrete "I'm going to a beach in a month, and want to feel confident in my swimsuit" or "I've got someone in mind to impress" is more motivation than "I want to get to that number, so I can get a nameless guy to take interest." Because I can already tell that this summer is different than last summer.
It helps that I don't have a job this summer and hate not having something to do. And somehow this year I've even started eating healthier, almost unconsciously. Now, before I go out, I'll check the web site to see what has fewer calories and sodium. It's almost like I don't have to remind myself to do it anymore, it comes naturally.
But it's only the beginning of the summer. We'll see what happens in a month.
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