Simple Things (50/90)

I slept most of the day. I went to sleep at 7:30 this morning. Completely understandable.

Lately there's been a constant theme in my thoughts. That is, when my thoughts are not angry with one person, and annoyed with another. It's actually partially their fault that I've been thinking about this. There are a few others that I will point my finger of blame at, but they shouldn't feel ashamed.

I want a relationship that just comes naturally. I don't want to have to work at getting what I want. I don't want to be constantly disappointed and setting my standards lower and lower because the person I love isn't following through with something. I don't really have very high standards to begin with, so the fact that I have to lower them is something. I've done an earlier post from April that has the basic standards I'd like to have.

I want an easy relationship, like Bill and Lauren's. They really don't seem like they have to work at being interested in each other, or work against outside forces that try and destroy them. Sure, Bill worries, but it's because he's worried he doesn't make her happy. It's really quite sweet. I've never seen Lauren worry, unless it's about something she unintentionally did. And even then, it's only to get advice.

I've never had either of them complain to me about the other doing this or that. There's no "one that got away" for either of them. There's minimal jealousy in both parties. They talk. They have actual conversations. They're both friends and partners, and seemingly can talk to the other about anything.

It's something I've never had. There's always been "one that got away" that leads to jealousy and fights. The relationship trumps the friendship, mainly because the physical gets in the way of the conversation. There's always been work involved, and always tears along the way. And I think I deserve to have something easy that falls into place like that.

Not that I think I'm this amazing person who doesn't deserve to be tested in life ever. Just that I think I've been tested enough these past few years, so something genuine, simple, good, and easy would be greatly appreciated. Even if it doesn't work out in the end. Because when I see Lauren and Bill, it makes me smile on the inside knowing that both of them are perfectly content and secure with their relationship, and only very strong winds will rock their boat.

I'm sick of sailing on my dinghy. I'm ready to upgrade.