Big Yellow Taxi (3/90)

I was talking to a friend today, and he was trying to find a topic to blog about. Somehow, we came up with this taxi metaphor that I don't think he'll mind me expanding upon.

So I'm a taxi too, Brian. People can call on me whenever they need me, get in, use me for a bit, and then hop out and be on their way. Sometimes they don't even pay. Sometimes they leave me stained. Very rarely am I appreciated.

Sometimes I wish I could just pass them by and not stop and pick up their baggage. But, duty calls. If you call me, I'll be there at the predetermined time. I try not to have to stop for gas if you need me to transport you to your destination, but sometimes you wear me out. All your problems, all the advice you need, all the advice you ignore, until you get to that place in life where you don't need me anymore. We grow apart. We grow up. You buy a car to replace me with.

And I still carry your baggage with me. I can't shake it. It's always with me. Ask me now, ask me what I can remember about you from four years ago. I remember things you've forgotten. Now, maybe you've forced yourself to forget about them, but not me. And I won't ever forget some things. About you, about others, about myself. All the baggage I've carried throughout the years is still there. It's not like you don't need it; it's just that you forgot about it.

I've been used. People have only seen me as a taxi, a means to an end. Took me long enough to figure it out. But that's my job, right? Be available for whoever, whenever, for whatever purpose. Drive around town, drive around life, stopping because someone else needs me, not because I want to. And then they leave without paying. They use me up and leave me with nothing, except maybe a stain on my interior. Not only romantically, but in platonic relationships as well.

I'm the friend, for most, who's only contacted when you're bored. I'm the friend who sets everything up, makes all the plans, makes contact first. I'm the girl who's silly and thinks that you're actually interested in getting to know me. I'm the girl who believes, or believed, in the goodness of people. Maybe not everyone uses someone. Maybe everyone has the capability to love.

But I think I'm becoming the girl who has a rather negative outlook on life. I think this time I may not be able to bounce back to the place I was. The outside of the cab may be shiny and clean, but on the inside it's been ripped apart. I'm one of the cabs that you have to be a brave soul to step into. Not because I'm dangerous. Because I need attention on the inside. The outside is fine. Sure, it could stand to be a bit sleeker, but on the whole it's the inside that's in desperate need of renovation.

And I can't do it alone. Who's up for the ride?

Cash only.