Today I did an intense work out to counter the crap I ate yesterday, and (you guessed it) watched more TV.
Tonight's post isn't necessarily something that came about from anything I saw today. It's from a while back, when I was watching Sex and the City, the edited version. It was a question that I've never actually thought about, and I don't remember what the episode was about, so I'm (hopefully) not ripping off any ideas from the actual writers. But Carrie posed the question: if we love someone and then we break up, where does the love go?
As a recently single girl, it's something that's been on my mind almost daily. Generally speaking, it seems that for at least one party, the love stays. At least for awhile. It may take quite some time, but eventually the love goes. But if you're so in love with someone and then you do break up, what caused your feelings to change?
I know that sometimes it's a really big event, like someone cheated or you just aren't compatible. But when the love is slowly dying or disappears altogether, it seems to me that there had to be something else that triggered the change in how you love the person/if you still love them. I know I've had an experience where I just didn't love the person anymore in a romantic way, but I know where that came from. He cheated and lied, and was in love with someone else as well.
But for those of us who haven't done anything like that, and were just being ourselves, the same person that was the object of affection a few weeks prior, the fact that love just suddenly disappears isn't a good enough reason. I've been trying to figure it out for a few weeks now, and I still haven't quite gotten an answer that seems logical.
So the love was dying with him, he says. But does it really ever go away? Can you really only be friends with someone who you were in love with, who you could have actually seen marrying down the line? Or does the love in you just change? Do you confuse it for something else? Are you scared of it? I'm not sure, but it really doesn't seem like something that just happens.
Not only that, but then telling them that the love died but you really did think you had a chance of not only being together for longer, but having a chance to get married seems like there may still be that same love that was dying. Maybe it's like a candle, one of those trick ones. You blow and think that maybe you got the flame to go out, only to have it sprout back again. Maybe that's what happens to the love after you break up. There's only a definite way to put the candle out: water. You have to douse it in something.
Maybe love's like that. You douse it in a poison, like an affair, constant lies, or mistreating them. And a little won't do the trick. You can't sprinkle it on there and expect it to die. If you do it enough, then it will eventually go out. Or if you let it burn long enough. But I've never seen trick candles burn out. It's something to be celebrated, and you can try to blow it out, but the flame will always be there.
I wonder if I've doused his candle or not. Somehow, I'm not convinced I have.
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