Love Train (25/90)

Finally finished Sex and the City! Still no call from a job. Still happy.

And while I was watching the last episode of Sex and the City, I got to thinking about Carrie's life. Actually, I got to thinking about all the character's lives, since everyone went through big changes in the end. Charlotte has always been the girl who's after finding Mr. Right, and has always had class. Miranda is a strong woman who won't take crap from any man, and is perfectly fine with being alone. Samantha knows what she wants, how to get it, and doesn't care what others think.

And then there's Carrie. She's the one I most relate to, not just because she's a writer. She's always between guys, and between love. Sometimes she's in a long, committed relationship; sometimes she's just dating someone for a few weeks, maybe months. She's always out there looking for love, and has stumbled on the way. Not only that, but she loves shoes, just like I do.

Today I watched the last few, where she leaves her whole life behind for a guy. Now, I didn't like this guy that she dated. I didn't think he was a good match for her, and she uprooted her life for him in Paris. Sounds like something I'd do, honestly. If I thought there was a chance to be madly in love with someone and decide to follow them for their career gains, and give up my own career, I'd probably do it. Which is a scary thought, honestly. I wonder if anyone would abuse this information I'm typing.

But there was a reason I didn't like this guy. He really didn't care about her being her own person; it was more like how a wife was expected to be in the 50's. And that's not how Carrie (or myself) can live. So she gave it a try for a while, and realized she couldn't do it. And then he just decided not to discuss her feelings that night, and put it off, like it wasn't important. It really sounds like the type of guy I go for.

And then, of course, the love of her life was there, waiting to sweep her off her feet. While I'm not sure who that is yet, I do know that sometimes her dating patterns reflect mine. And I really don't want to have to deal with what she goes through with men. While I must admit that I've had my fair share of boys who could be forerunners to some characters that walked through her life, I'm really hoping I don't run into the problems she does. Mainly a recurring love interest.

But what really got me thinking was about how she seemed to always find her way back to Big, and the different lengths of her relationships. And I started looking back on all of my relationships. I found a pattern. Apparently I'm very prone to falling into patterns, which has gotten me in trouble a few times in my love history.

But this pattern hasn't really burned me too much in the past. I seem to go from having a serious relationship to one that burns out fairly quickly.
PJ: officially 5 months. Don't ask me the rest.
Nick: about 2 months.
Zack: 1 year, 3 months.
Jose: 4 months. However, around month three was when I was trying to figure out a tactful way to get out of it.
Dave: 7 months. (and you know the rest)

So after every serious relationship (so far), I've had a fun one that I knew going into it didn't have much of a chance to last, but I still tried to make it work. I think that probably everyone else has something like this, but I'm really bad with patterns and such, so I'm nervous to see where this will lead me. And you know what? Maybe right now I shouldn't be concerned with finding Mr. Right. Because if I go out and keep looking for him, it may take me forever to find him. Maybe he'll just fall into my lap (like Charlotte and Harry).

But I'm not sure. I'm a girl who really likes physical contact, especially cuddling. I'm a flirt. I didn't go out there looking for either Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now last year, and look where it landed me. Not that I'm really complaining about it. I view everything I go through as a learning experience, and I live with no regrets. So what am I planning on doing with relationships right now?

I think I'll go with the flow. If I find love where I didn't expect it to be, cool. If I don't find love, no stressing. Stick to my old plan of going on dates with people. See where that leads me. Hopefully not back anywhere I've already been. I want to move forward with my life. I don't want any more confusion in my life. I want things to be clear and simple, for once.

I just want to be happy and carefree. Halfway there.