White Houses (5/90)

I finished my last test this morning, so all I had to look forward to all day was writing.

And I wrote. And wrote. And watched Sex and the City. And wrote some more. And then waited for who was my first interview to hopefully fill in the gaps and tie my story together. I couldn't write anymore. I couldn't even edit that story, because all that was needed was the three questions I needed to ask her. She forgot to call me, so I watched Man v. Food instead. And hoped that she would call soon.

And when she did call, it was incredibly awkward. She sounded so tired, like she was on her way to dreamland. Or that she didn't want to talk about depression anymore, or deal with it. And after the interview was awkward. Usually the people I interview over the phone will chat with me for a bit, wish me luck, and then hang up. She sat on the line, silent. It felt awkward. A month ago I was laughing with this woman, getting to know her, and having her know me too. A month ago this interview may have been easier.

A month ago I was dating her son.

Maybe that's one of the reasons it was awkward? I was preparing myself for awkward questions maybe heading my way, or telling her that I've been better but am plowing on. Or some small talk, at the very least. But there was nothing, and I'm honestly saddened by it. It's not like I was expecting her to carry on a long conversation, but I was hoping for some interest in my life. I genuinely enjoy her company. Maybe I just caught her at a bad time.

Maybe she thinks I hurt her son. I don't know what he's told them, I've avoided talking to him as much as possible. She could be upset that it seems like I just wanted to talk to her about depression. I would have stayed on the phone with her longer, if she had remembered to call. But an hour of precious writing time had passed, and I needed to try to write. I hope she doesn't think less of me now. And that I can get this article to cooperate. I didn't get as much information from her as I hoped. She really wasn't very talkative tonight. So I'm grasping at straws.

This whole editing process is me now grasping at straws. I can't seem to fit them together to make a nice house. I've got so many different sizes that I don't know what to do with them. There's a solid foundation there, and I've started to build the walls, but I need a roof. The roof isn't working yet. And I'm not sure if I'll get it to. I may just have to make sure it doesn't leak all over the place.

I'm bad at building things. We'll see how this turns out. Back to editing.