Today I did absolutely nothing but move things for about 15 minutes, eat, and watch TV. I'm now caught up on Tough Love Couples. I went browsing through song titles to come up with a topic for tonight's blog.
Secrets, secrets are no fun. Secrets, secrets hurt someone. Or it's cousin: secrets, secrets are no fun unless you share with everyone. At a young age we're told to not keep secrets. To own up to our mistakes, even if they'll get us in trouble. But we quickly learn that keeping secrets will get us out of certain situations we'd like to avoid. Secrets are, basically, lies.
Withholding the truth, or not admitting the truth to keep a secret, is a lie. So in some way, we're all liars. I know everyone has at least one secret. We all have secrets. Some of us are better at hiding them than others. Some people don't care if their secrets are found out. Some people are so guarded that even small things will be kept hidden. So what's the point of keeping a secret from someone if it hurts them either way?
I know I've had a few secrets kept from me. Not only from people I've dated, but with friends and family. Everyone's kept something from me, and probably have lied to my face when faced with telling a certain secret. Thing is, I know when something's going on that I haven't been told. Depending on what the topic is, I'll let you come to me. Or just drop it, because there are some things I just don't want to know.
But there are certain things I don't want to be kept from me. And on the episode of Tough Love Couples I watched today, it dealt with secrets. A couple broke up because of the secrets. I can't help but wonder what was kept from me, in all my relationships but especially with Dave. Mainly because he's the most recent one and for the life of me I can't stop myself from thinking about him a few times a day.
I know there were things that I kept to myself, things that I've told myself won't be told until after I'm well into my engagement. There are things that had never come up, but were still enough of a part of me that I should've discussed with him. Those smaller things wouldn't do anything to the relationship, but the bigger things may have. Probably would have, until the ring was on my finger.
But I don't think that was the case with him. And he was keeping things from any girl he dates until he gets engaged. I do think maybe I got him to let me closer to him than he's let any girl, or at least any girl for a long time. But I know there were things that affected our relationship at the time, but I wouldn't be privy to until engagement, if ever. And things like that bug me. With Zack, it was him hanging out with our good friends who also happened to be exes. And in the end, the secret he kept from me was the earthquake that led to our break-up.
I can almost understand why it seems that keeping certain things from someone would be a good thing. It means they won't get hurt by whatever information you're withholding. But I can handle the truth. I'm a strong girl. I've been through a lot, and been close to people who have gone through a lot. Trust me. I can take it. And certain secrets are not yours to tell. That's completely understandable as well. But if you're involved in it somehow, then please tell me your side.
And I had deja vu while I was writing this. Random fact. Sometimes I think I'm psychic because of it.
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