There seems to be a theme for my summer: watch wedding shows and other TV shows all day.
Maybe deciding to blog over the summer wasn't the best idea. Sure, I have tons of free time to do so, but I don't ever really have anything stimulating to write about, or think about. I mean, how many times can I go on about weddings before it gets boring? And the same with Dave. Put me in front of wedding shows, and of course I miss him. I see something I want in my wedding, and I think about how awesome it could've been. But I don't want to blog about him, because quite honestly I'm sick of thinking about him, and I'm sick of crying over him.
Part of it is, I'm sure, because I'm hardly an adult. I'm halfway through college, and will have to face the real world soon enough. What am I going to do? I could stay in school another three years, and go to grad school. My dad wants me to do that. Sometimes I think I want to do that. But here's the thing: I'm sick of learning. I'm sick of hearing facts and spewing them back at you. I'm sick of researching, going through books line by line to possibly find one aspect of research that may work. So I'm thinking of taking a year off.
But I'm already a year older than my class. If I went straight from my undergrad to grad school, it'd be a whole lot easier. But that's about the time I want to get engaged and/or get married. I'm pretty confident that I could get a scholarship to grad school straight out of Ball State. But, as an indecisive individual, I don't know if I want to.
Because I watch all these TV shows, and they introduce me to a wider range of interests than I already have. Now, for some reason, I want to be a wedding planner. I think it'd be fun to make sure that someone's day went perfectly and was incredibly special. I'm not a person special things happen to, and I don't make special things happen to anyone. I think it would definitely be a worthwhile career option.
And then there's being a designer. I can't even sew. But watching Project Runway alights the fashion flame in me, and I see the designs and want to do that. I can't draw clothes. I tried once, when I was younger. I was inspired by Barbie, since she has amazing clothes that aren't produced for normal-sized people. So there are days when I want to change my major to fashion design.
I can't forget food and culinary school. I've gotten to the point where I recognize people from Food Network on other channels. I love watching the sugar work, and the pastry decorating, and the cooking in general. But, again, I have no talent. I can cook scrambled eggs and follow a recipe pretty decently, but I've never tried anything on my own or making up new things. I can't really bake either and make it pretty. It's tasty, yes, but I suck at presentation.
I guess I'm just at a point in my life where I want to know my choice is the right one, but want the option to try all these things I have an interest in. I love writing, even when it fights me tooth and nail and I want to tear my hair out. It's a part of me that I don't want to leave behind. But I've never had the chance to explore what else is inside me that could be as good as writing, and I want that chance.
I don't want to have to choose my career for the rest of my life at age 20. I just want to know that I'll be successful in my career. I'm nowhere near experienced enough to be thrust into the world in two years without anyone by my side. Maybe all my new career interests are because of my own failures. I failed when I thought I found "the one," so what if I'm failing at what I think is the right career? Especially when I've had even less experience with careers than with males.
Or maybe I just want to go do something with my life right now, like get married or go plan weddings. Because the apathy and the loneliness is killing me.
I can tell you right now from experience that it is very hard to start off in a career without having some educational background.
ReplyDeleteI can go in to any Best Buy, Wal-Mart, or Fry's electronics store and run circles around the people in their computer or home theater departments, or I can jump into a design studio and create an amazing graphic from scratch; but because I don't have that little piece of paper that says "Hey, I know what I'm doing!" it's hard to prove otherwise.
My advice, stay in school, stick with your passion. You can be a writer and a wedding planner, or designer, or culinary specialist without having to actually fail at any of those. Be a columnist for a newspaper or magazine writing about those topics, then you get to group multiple passions in to one.
I don't think you have to choose what to do with your life right now. I think you will pick a pathway after college and you will follow it until you're ready or if it's time to move on. I feel like there's too much pressure to decide on what it is we want to do forever while we're in college. I think I remember hearing somewhere that on average a person has 3 careers? Something like that?
ReplyDeleteWhat I'm trying to say is that getting a degree in journalism doesn't mean you're stuck with having to get a job in journalism. How many people get a degree in one thing and then go do something completely different? And if you change your mind, you can always go back to school and start over. Sure it's not ideal (especially financially), but that's life. Making decisions, changing your mind, starting over. It's an adventure that will take you in many different directions. So try not to stress, and just enjoy the ride :)
Oh, and I definitely agree with what Koby said as well :)
:-) Thanks guys. And I am most definitely not dropping out of school. I just wish I had enough time to go and take some fashion courses, and some event planning courses, and some cooking courses, and still keep my two majors and graduate on time. Especially since there's a chance I may fail them, because I don't have any experience.
ReplyDeleteBut I think I can take a few fashion courses that aren't restricted to the major, so I'm thinking of trying that! Maybe if I get an apartment in Muncie, I'll take some summer courses in fashion or cooking or something like that. I'll already be paying for the internship summer course, so why not?
And Koby, I was thinking of writing a fashion column, and adding a fashion major or minor this past year, but my dad said that if I did that then he wouldn't pay for school, even though I'd still stick with journalism. And I don't have the money to put myself through two more years of college, so I had to give up on that idea.